The Project--12/13/17

Deborah and I have a little Chihuahua named Porsche. She’s our little travelling furball, and she’s pretty much internet famous. Of course, being a dog, she has absolutely no idea what either the internet or famous mean, she just keeps right on being a dog, just like she always has. We take her pretty much everywhere with us, and she even has a little pink stroller that was made specifically for spoiled little princess dogs like her.

Everywhere we go, people talk to her and want to pet her. Invariably, they’re surprised that she’s a Chihuahua, since she is without any of the negative traits people usually associate with Chihuahuas. She isn’t yappy or nervous, and she doesn’t shake all the time. We chalk that up to our accomplishment as great puppy parents. We were very intentional with her from the time we brought her home. We took her everywhere with us then, just like we still do today, so she’s an extremely well socialized little puppy.

I just noticed something about her this morning as I let her out of her little pet taxi for her usual out the door, gotta go right now excursion. She doesn’t ever do anything halfway. She is always excited about everything. Time to go outside? She runs to the door full force and hops around as she waits for me to put her harness and leash on her. When it’s cold and she sees me getting her sweater out of the drawer that she knows contains only her stuff, she spins in circles and hops around until I pick her up to dress her. When she sees us putting on our shoes to go somewhere, she hops around, ensuring she gets our attention so she can ask, “Can I go today, too?” And when we’re going somewhere she can’t go, and we tell her no, I could swear I can see a little bit of sad disappointment in her little eyes. When I open the front door of the RV, even if I’ve only gone out to the truck to get something right quick, she meets me right there at the door, doing her little wiggle butt, waggy tail, hop around and almost fall out of the RV dance because she’s so excited to see me again. Why? Because she’s a dog, and she doesn’t do anything halfway.

When she ran full tilt to the door this morning, I noticed that she has something that a lot of us as people have lost somewhere along the way. She’s simply happy to be alive. Going outside to do her business is always an adventure, or at least she sees that it has the potential to be one. Just riding somewhere in the truck with us, even though she’s done it a thousand times over the past five years that she’s been alive, still hasn’t lost that element of excitement for her. She absolutely wigs out until we’re out of the parking lot and headed down the street. Just because she’s moving. She has absolutely no idea where we’re going, or what we’re going to be doing, but that doesn’t seem to faze her even a little bit. We’re rolling down the road, and she gets to go with us today.

Most days when she does go with us, we’re going to several antique shops or flea markets, which means getting in and out of the truck four, five, or six times. And every single time we pull the truck to a stop, she hops up, excited to see whatever we’re going to see next. I think when I was a kid, I was the exact same way. Probably without the wiggly butt and spinning in circles, though. Probably. Where did that go? Why do we let the daily ins and outs of our lives rob us of the excitement of simply being alive today? Sure, people may look at us strangely when we run to the front door, excited to go out and meet the world, but maybe, just maybe, our excitement will rub off on them. Then we can laugh with them when they’re all ready to go for a ride in the truck with us, waiting excitedly by the front door until we’re ready to walk out into the world with them.

I think it could be time for me to start being a bit more intentional about how I view the world around me from day to day. I don’t think it would hurt one little bit for me to get excited about going for a ride in the truck. Even if it is just to head down the street to the Evil Empire to get that gallon of milk I forgot to pick up while I was at the store yesterday afternoon. There could, just possibly, be an adventure waiting for me out there. Maybe even in the form of someone needing a kind word, a smile, or a nod of acknowledgement that they are seen. Makes me want to go get milk right now, even though I’ve said for quite some time that I hate going to the Evil Empire. Could be I just need to change how I view things. Could be I just need to stop and be thankful and excited about taking that next breath, and remembering where that breath came from.

Who knew I could learn so much from a spastic little fuzzbucket I call Porsche? I have always known she was a smart little puppy. That’s why I make a point of telling her most every day that she’s my favoritest puppy on the whole planet. Sometimes, I even think she understands what I mean.

The Project--12/11/17

Dealing with the infallible can be an exercise in frustration. I’m sure we’ve all run into this at some point in our lives. The person who refuses to apologize for being insufferably incorrect, refuses to ever take responsibility for problems they single handedly create, and will do or say anything to make their mistakes or shortcomings anyone else’s fault, as long as they don’t have to admit they were wrong.

I don’t understand this mindset or approach to life or business. Everyone makes mistakes or misunderstands a conversation or situation occasionally, and, really, it’s not that big a deal. Ever. But, for some reason, there are individuals who fear being viewed as wrong more than they fear destroying relationships, businesses, or their own reputation. The thing is, eventually everyone sees through people like this, and they are left without meaningful relationships, their businesses will eventually falter, because of their unethical practices, and their personal reputations are left in a shambles, because they haven’t operated from any kind of moral framework whatsoever. But, hey, at least no one knew they weren’t infallible, right?

The book of Proverbs speaks extensively on both the subject of wisdom, and the folly of foolish people who refuse both wisdom and instruction. Fools are even compared to dogs who return to their own vomit, willingly eating the very thing that made them sick in the first place. Now, dogs aren’t that bright, and it shows when they return to their own vomit. According to Proverbs, unwise people seem to be on the same level of operation. People should be able to at least see the error of their ways, see what caused them pain in the past, and adjust accordingly to avoid the same pain in the future. Instead, they just return to their vomit. That doesn’t exactly paint the prettiest picture, does it? And it’s hard and frustrating to watch in real life, as well. Especially since people can’t actually be forced to see anything they adamantly refuse to see. Many times, it’s because they have to be right at any cost. Because they actually believe their authority derives from their self perceived infallibility.

It will never cease to amaze me what people will lie about. Usually, it’s about things that are completely inconsequential, or things that were truly accidental. Years ago, I worked at a glass distribution warehouse, and a few of the other employees were fairly impressed that I had gone so long without breaking any merchandise as I moved it around the warehouse or loaded and unloaded it from trucks for deliveries or returns from the various glass shops with whom we did business. One day, probably about a year after I started working there, I pretty much ran over a windshield with one of the forklifts. I had simply misjudged how far the windshield was protruding from its storage rack and tagged it with the front of the forklift I was driving. I mean, I completely crushed the corner of the thing. At the time, I was the only person who was even in the warehouse area. I went straight into the office and told my boss what I had done. He asked me for the part number of the piece of glass I’d broken, and when he looked it up, it just happened to be the most expensive single piece of glass we carried. I had already known that when I saw which windshield I had broken, but I didn’t realize at that time how much it actually cost. He was actually surprised I had come in to tell him what I had done. That, right there, is a sad commentary on how most people operate in their day to day lives. Many people would have simply gone on about their business, and when that broken windshield was discovered, they would have acted surprised about it, along with everyone who truly did not know what had happened. Could I have gotten in trouble for damaging product? Yes, and I truly thought I would. That didn’t stop me from doing what I saw as the right thing to do, though. And in my way of thinking, why would it? The right thing to do is still the right thing to do, even if it comes with less than stellar consequences. I had been fired from good jobs before this incident because I answered questions that my supervisor asked me completely honestly. Yet, into the office I went to willingly admit my mistake. Why? Because it was the right thing to do. You know what happened as a result of my honesty? My supervisor thanked me, and said there really wasn’t anything he could be upset about, because I had been there so long without breaking anything before. One of my other coworkers even joked about it, laughing as he said, “I guess you made up for all that time with this one windshield, though, didn’t you?” And then it was over. And I didn’t have to worry about someone finding out what had actually happened.

That’s why I don’t understand people who lie all the time. Lies are pretty much impossible to keep straight, because different versions have been told to different people. How in the world is the liar going to keep them all straight? Truth is, they don’t. And then they have the gall to get upset when they get called out, but they just keep right on lying about it. Talk about foolish behavior! At all costs, though, they’ll defend what they see as their infallible record of perfection, even when everyone around can clearly see that their version of things is completely indefensible. So, how are we supposed to deal with such people? That, my friends, is where things get difficult. We have to call truth truth. There’s just no other way to call it. This also means we have to call lies lies.

As hard as it may be, I think it’s far better to do the right thing, and view things in the right mindset, than to fear what consequences may come as a result. I’d much rather please the one who created me and gave me breath than to make the wrong decision because I fear what man can do to me. When you stop and think about it, even the worst that men can do to us is temporary and, ultimately, unimportant. Refusing to do the right thing out of fear can rob us of something with far greater implications. It robs us of being who we were originally created to be, and could keep us from fulfilling the purpose and destiny for which we were intended since before time began. Kinda seems like a no brainer if you can see it from that perspective. In the moment, it can be more difficult, though. Stupid, hard to navigate, fallen creation that we currently live in! Just remember, you were created for more than what you see. I’ll keep reminding myself of that, as well.

The Project--12/10/17

I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can show.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.
Just trust in me, then you can see
All of the ways that I made you to be.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can show.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.
Just trust in me, then you can see
All of the things that I trust you to be.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.

Paul wasn’t special. He was only obedient.
Paul wasn’t special, he just realized what he had been given, and who he was. No matter the circumstance he was in at the moment, he never lost sight of that. How else could he sit in the middle of a prison and sing praises to his God at midnight to the point that the entire prison could hear him? How else could he walk back into town to continue preaching what he had and what God had done for him after coming to, laying on the ground outside the city after being stoned, presumably to death by those who had been throwing the rocks? For nothing more than preaching the same gospel he then preached after they had tried to kill him.

I’m not special. I’m only called to be obedient. I just have to realize what I’ve been given, and who I am. No matter the circumstance I am in at the moment, the most important thing in my life is to focus on that, and ensure I don’t lose sight of it. Is that hard to do sometimes? Absolutely! But if I do lose sight of that, am I not basically telling myself, those around me, and God Himself, that what He’s placed inside me, and having Him with me isn’t enough? Thankfully, He understands who I am, and who He made me to be, and what He intentionally placed inside of me the day He fashioned me and planned me out. And He doesn’t get upset when I do forget. He simply speaks to me to remind me of what He knows, brushes me off, breathes new life into me, and leads me on.

The Project--12/04/17

I've not been feeling creative at all lately, and I'm trying to figure out what's going on with that. Problem is, it feels like the more I try to diagnose the problem, the harder it becomes to overcome it. I don't want to come out and say I'm depressed and that that's what the problem is, but I kinda think that might be it. When I don't feel like I have anything to say, I hate it that I don't have anything to say. Am I not supposed to have words? I mean, that's what I do now is write, right? So where has the writing gone off to?

When I try to think of where I want one of my stories to go next, I'm not even hearing crickets lately. It's just the deafening sound of mental silence. No ideas, no words, no new plot ideas, no new character voices, no dialogue, just...nothing. I don't think it's writer's block, because I don't even believe such a thing exists, so how could I possibly have it?! Right?

So, instead of just sitting in front of a blank screen that continues to be blank, I've been reading, doing crossword puzzles, watching documentaries, this, that, and the other, like it'll just come back to me at some point. Kinda like when you can't think of something, and then later in the day or the next day, when you're not even thinking about that particular subject, and what you were trying to think of just hits you out of the blue. It hasn't worked thus far, but who knows... And I'm trying not to worry about it, because I'm pretty sure that's not going to open the floodgates, but the longer I go without writing something creative, the more uncomfortable I've become about it. Maybe I'm supposed to be uncomfortable for a bit before the floodwaters start to rush down again. I don't really know.

I do know that for the past several days, it seems like I'm hearing over and over, "Live for today and in today, without worrying about what tomorrow will bring, because if you don't live this way, you'll miss out on all the glory that's happening right in front of you and all around you at this very moment." Or, at least something to that effect. So, in an effort to follow this, I'm living moment by moment. Maybe that's the whole point. That I don't have to fill every moment with some cognitive process. Am I being taught to slow down and enjoy what I have? I think that's exactly it. Figuring that out hasn't made it any easier in the process, though. Sometimes habits really stink, because they just keep coming back up without us even realizing it.

I guess sometimes doing what we're supposed to be doing doesn't feel anything like what we think we're supposed to be doing. I think there's a kind of beauty in that, as well. A reminder that we don't actually have it all figured out. And that we're not supposed to. Maybe that discomfort is a kind of reminder to follow instead of trying to steer all the time. A gentle reminder that all of us have a little bit of control freak living inside of us. If we're not careful, we'll let that part of us be what drives us, allowing the illusion of control to lure us away from what we were originally designed to be. Creations made to follow and commune with our Creator. Just a thought.

The Project--11/29/17

Sometimes I feel like I’m not going to make it. I know these thoughts don’t come from me, but how I fight them matters. I question my decisions and wonder if they’re going to take me where I want to go. When I don’t have ideas, or don’t feel inspired, I try harder to get in the right mindset. It’s like trying harder to sleep when you can’t sleep. The more you try, the more elusive your goal can become.

I’ve worked jobs for set pay my entire life, and now I’m putting down my ideas. Of course, most of them seem like they’re good, right up until I can’t decide what direction to take next. Lord, please speak to me and give me the words, because my well isn’t flowing today. Should I simply start typing without being critical about how it’s flowing at the time?

I wrote the above words awhile back (about six months ago), and they’re still true today. I don’t always know what I should be writing, but I feel like I need to be writing something. Sometimes, it feels like I just need to sit down, put fingers on keys, and see what comes out. Sometimes that works, and sometimes, all I get is disjointed gobbledy-gook. The short little prayer above asking God to speak to me and give me the words is how I’m going to write what follows. I have absolutely no idea where this is going to lead, but for some reason, my family likes what I write when I wing it off the cuff, so to speak. So maybe, just maybe, this is how I need to write when the subject is a serious one. Most of the poems I’ve written were written in one single gush of typing gusto, with only a word or two changed before I called them “finished”. Now, I’m going to try that on a larger scale. We’ll find out together where it takes us. So, stick around, because I have absolutely no idea what I’ll end up saying, but I think it’s going to be interesting. This is going to be like diary entries of thoughts that hit my head when I’m sitting down to write in this space, so here goes…

11/29/17

~~~~~

So, I’ve felt for a while now that I’m supposed to be writing, but the question has always been, “What, exactly should I be writing?” Poetry? A novel (or maybe three)? Short thoughts like I’ve been posting on my blog lately? A nonfiction book about things I’ve learned? As confusing as it’s been, the answer to all of these questions seems to be, “Yes.” So, I’ve felt a little scattered, because I feel like I have several projects in a state of constant flux, and nothing feels like it’s getting completed. Will it be completed at some point in the hopefully not too distant future? I certainly hope so. I guess I’ll see when I get there.

Since we move around, one of the ongoing struggles in my life has been finding somewhere to worship. What I’ve learned in the past three years is that not all churches are created equal. No, I’m not going to call any particular ones out here by name as being what I consider great or not so great. But, I have noticed that there seems to be an over prioritization and focus on behavior and striving to be better rather than the simple, two point answer that Jesus gave to the question, “What is the greatest commandment?” He didn’t say, “Follow all the rules and try harder to be better people.” Or, “I know life really sucks and it’s hard. Just hold on and try to be a better person, and one of these days, you’ll be in Heaven.” He simply said to, “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. On this hang all the Law and the prophets.”--Matthew 22:37-40.

So, what about drinking, smoking, gambling, playing cards, going to the movies, wearing jewelry, cutting our hair, how we dress, where we work, what political party we belong to, what kind of car we drive (gas or electric), etc, etc, etc.? He doesn’t even mention any of that stuff. Why? I’m pretty sure it’s because at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter all that much. But to hear a lot of people tell it, if they think they shouldn’t do something, than neither should anyone else, because it’s a sin. And I think that this is where things start to get a bit squirrely. Sin has been defined as a set of behaviors, instead of being defined as an attitude that separates us from God and His love and His desire for us to have everything He intended for us to have, and us being who He created us to be. So, if you’re struggling with a habit, attitude, or thought, just try harder, because that’s what God expects of you. If you’re not getting healed, you just don’t have enough faith. If you’re struggling financially, you must have something bad in your life that you haven’t properly dealt with. If you look different from how I look, or dress differently from how I dress, then you’re not welcome here.

I’ve seen it. Crap, I’ve even experienced it firsthand within the past few years. No wonder so many people outside the church think believers are a bunch of closed minded, hateful, judgemental, angry, hypocritical people with superiority complexes. There’s really no one to blame for this other than those who call themselves Christians, but don’t have the love of Christ in them. And there are a lot of them out there. They’re easiest to spot when they’re railing against homosexuals, blowing up abortion clinics, or recruiting for the Ku Klux Klan or Aryan Nation. Let me give everyone a hint here: NONE of these people are Christians. How can I tell? Because the single word “Christian” is defined as “a person who follows or adheres to Christianity, an Abrahamic, monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.” Yes, that’s the definition I found on Wikipedia, but it’s as accurate a definition as you’ll find anywhere. Remember earlier I quoted Matthew 22, where Jesus Himself said, “Love your neighbor as yourself”? He followed his own advice on this point, and I think one of the best examples of this in scripture is when he had such an open dialogue with the woman at the well. We’re never told her name, and all we know about her is that she had several broken relationships in her past, and that she was a Samaritan. Samaritans had what could be called a less than cordial relationship with Jews, and Jews of the day wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. Yet, Jesus doesn’t hesitate in having a conversation with this “unclean” woman, and this single conversation changed her entire life. This right here is what it means to love your neighbor as yourself, yet how many people don’t even want to go anywhere near a church because that one time they tried, they were treated as less worthy by those who were there every week?

I think a large portion of the modern church has missed it big time by trying to rule people’s lives, both inside and outside the church, by a set of rules, regulations, and behaviors that they deem to be acceptable or unacceptable. There was only one thing in the garden of Eden that was off limits, which was the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I don’t believe the fruit was magical, cursed, or particularly special, but it was off limits. The only reason it was off limits is because God wanted a pure, loving relationship with his children. The only way love can truly be love is when there’s an option to not choose it. By choosing to go against God by believing the lies that Satan told them, Adam and Eve both chose to cut off the source of life that they were created to depend on, and to make themselves and knowledge their source, instead. When churches focus on behaviors as “sinful” or “righteous”, they are simply operating from another branch of the forbidden tree. Knowledge of good is just as destructive as knowledge of evil, because knowledge is still the source. The only source that won’t kill us as humans is the tree of Life, which is our creator, and the only way back to it is through His son, Jesus. When we’ve truly made Him our Lord, He is our source of all things, but only if we actually trust Him to be that for us. If we succumb to the belief that we have to try harder to be better, we’ve gone right back to that other tree that will ultimately kill us, because we’ve unplugged, yet again, from the only source that can sustain our lives. When we’re plugged into Him, and completely dependant on Him for everything we need, the old desires, and “bad behaviors”, for lack of a better term, will fade into the past, because our desires for them will wither and die.

It’s not our job as believers to force others to agree with us, or to force them to behave the way that we think is “right”. Jesus was so powerful and effective because He showed people the love he had within Himself, and He always gave everyone the option of not listening to him and walking away without accepting the life He had to give. When we do the same, amazing doors will be opened, and miraculous results will be seen. I think it’s time to stop perpetuating the belief that Christians are closed minded, hateful, judgemental, angry, hypocritical people with superiority complexes. The only way to counter that is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and then to truly love your neighbor as yourself. No judgements, no disapproving looks, no telling them they need to get their hair cut, no telling them they have to wear a suit to come into the building, no telling them they have to stop smoking in the parking lot. Why? Because they’re actually there looking for answers to why their lives aren’t quite working out. They’re looking for something to cling to other than the top branches of that knowledge tree. They’re looking for the Source of Life. And they are exactly as important to the Creator as you are. They are exactly as loved by Him as you are. They are created in His image just like you are. So let them in the door, and cut it out with your superiority complex. Because it’s killing the very people YOU are called to rescue.

Thank you, Harlan, for telling me I need a platform. Here it is. For now.

Progress?

I remember when I was a kid, we knew all of our neighbors. We may not have been on a first name basis with all of them, but we knew who they were. The lack of first name basis may have been due to the fact that my parents taught me respect for my elders, and we didn’t call adults by their first names. Ever. It just wasn’t something that was done. The only adults I remember addressing by their first name were family, and even then, their name was preceded by either “Aunt” or “Uncle”. If I remember correctly, we didn’t even refer to the pastors at the church I grew up in by their first names. It was always “Pastor (insert last name here)”.

I don’t think all of this was due to the fact that I grew up in a relatively small town, either. I truly believe it was due to the fact that I had parents who actually parented. We were always held accountable for our actions, and the attitudes behind those actions. I grew up knowing, without any degree of ambiguity, that there were consequences for how I behaved. Seems like the word consequences is a curse word in today’s society. It’s really a neutral word that should not connote either positive or negative feelings. Consequences are merely the effects of a given action. If I were to hit myself in the ankle with a baseball bat that I’ve swung as hard as I can, the consequence would be that I will have pain, possibly for several weeks or months to come. If I fulfilled the responsibilities that I had, I had the consequence that there was a lack of strife or pain in my immediate future. Don’t take that last sentence the wrong way, though. It doesn’t mean that I grew up in constant fear of punishment or pain. I simply understood that when I carried the things that I was expected to carry, blessings would come instead of curses. I’d be praised for my accomplishments rather than having the privileges that I enjoyed removed.

I guess you could say I grew up understanding what free will actually is. I always had a choice in how I behaved, and if I did something other than what I truly understood to be appropriate, I had the expectation that some form of unpleasantness would follow. It may not follow immediately on every occasion, but at some point, it was likely to come. The older I get, the more convinced I am that less and less of society at large is learning what consequences are, and it shows. In fact, its appearances are ever increasing. How else can you explain the spreading belief that words can actually be construed as physical violence? Or that adults (yes, college students fit every criteria to fulfill the definition of adults) have to be rescued from prison in China because they shoplifted while they were visiting there? Just because you were never taught personal responsibility doesn’t negate the fact that there are consequences for your actions. Personally, I think every single one of those thieving basketball players should have been left there to deal with those consequences on their own. We’ll see if being bailed out by the U.S. government does anything to change the path their past life decisions have put them on. So far, it doesn’t look promising.

I say all the time (and my wife will bear witness to this), that “the downfall of society is the complete and total lack of personal responsibility.” I’ll stand by that statement until the day I die, no matter how many decades distant that date may be. If people were actually responsible for themselves, that would mean that no other entity on the planet would be responsible for them. They would actually own their own stuff, and would carry it without expecting anyone else to do so. If they are carrying their own stuff, it means I don’t have to. It also means that since I’m carrying all of my own stuff, you don’t have to do it for me.

What that does not mean is that we don’t all need help from one another from time to time. Everyone gets punched in the teeth by life, and it hurts every single time it happens. However, many times that people get punched in the teeth by life, it’s at least partially, and many times mostly self-inflicted. And, yes, I include myself in that statement. While some things happen that are unavoidable, there are many that are completely avoidable simply by being responsible and conducting ourselves wisely. It seems that a large portion of  “adults” have disengaged their logic, reason, and critical thinking, many of them permanently. It’s as if they truly couldn’t fathom that their actions would have those consequences. I mean, who knew that vandalizing public property would result in arrest, criminal charges, and monetary penalties?? Especially when it’s recorded and posted to social media like a badge of honor or bravery for standing up to the man in supposed protest to personal oppression. When in all honesty, it appears that they just wanted to break something that didn’t belong to them because it was what everyone else was doing, and they don’t have any impulse control. Yep, it all comes back to personal responsibility or the lack thereof.

Thinking about all of this reminds me of something I heard growing up, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Seems a lot of people never heard that, or have chosen to forget it. “But,” they’ll say, “the government gives free stuff to people all the time, and I want what’s coming to me.” Someone has to foot the bill for everything. For some reason, that’s a difficult concept for many people to grasp. Maybe because they’ve been told for so long by so many faulty sources of so-called “knowledge” that socialism is awesome. Besides, it’s easier getting paid for doing nothing than it is actually earning a living, isn’t it? I would say it probably is, but the price you’ll pay in dignity, self respect, and lack of purpose far outweigh any monetary gains you think you’ve made. Every. Single. Time.

We’re right in the middle of the holiday season, which seems more and more to bring out the worst in people. Just look on YouTube at the insanity that erupts at malls all over the country on Black Friday. There’s an old song that declares, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” If we forget to be thankful for the amazing privilege we’ve been given simply by breathing, being able to walk around, and having a roof over our heads to keep us dry and warm, and are willing to get into fistfights with strangers over that newfangled gadget we’ve just got to have because everyone else has one, and getting it will make me one of the cool kids, this most definitely will NOT be the most wonderful time of the year.

Have we progressed as we’ve moved as a society from the “old fashioned” ways of our grandparents, and maybe even our parents? I’m only 42 years old, and the way I grew up could probably be considered old fashioned by the standards of today. To me, it seems that the more we progress, the uglier things seem to be. If we’re giving up kindness for progress, what results will that trade bring us in the future? None of them look very attractive to me, since we’re growing more and more disconnected from the people who live right next door to us. If you’re reading this and think you’re not being carried by the wave of disconnection that’s been taking place, stop and think for just a minute. Can you come up with a list of ten of your neighbor’s first names? By neighbors, I’m just referring to people who live on your block or in your apartment complex. I’ll admit, I can’t. I should probably do something to change that…

If we’d take more time to sit and talk with the people who live in close proximity to us over a cup of coffee every once in awhile, I’m thinking we’d all realize that no matter what they look like, what they do for a living, or how they view the world that we’re all sharing, we have far more things in common with them than we could imagine. And I’m pretty sure that realization would make us all just a little kinder to one another. Maybe that truly would make the next few weeks the most wonderful time of the year. Now, that would be progress.

Traitors--Short Story by Richard Lee Byers--A Review

Traitors by Richard Lee Byers—5 stars.

This short story is part of a collection of similar stories found in Realms of the Elves.

This story was phenomenally well written, and very fast paced. This one’s got great dragon battles, good character development, well written dialogue, and a great and developed plot. All of that in only 75 pages! Some of the best Forgotten Realms writing I’ve read thus far. I’m looking forward to reading more by Mr. Byers if this short story is any indication of the quality of his work!

The Search For Understanding

Ok, I'll admit it. I have a desire to be understood. I think we all do, right? But what does being understood really mean? Is it a desire for people to hear us? To actually listen to us and agree with what we think? Why is THAT so important to us, and should it be?

Thanksgiving is this week, and I'll be seeing extended family that I haven't seen in years. I know I've changed a ton in those years, and I'm sure some of them have, as well. My wife and I live in such a way that most people would probably call it unconventional. We live in an RV and we move as often as we can afford to. Sometimes to beautiful places we've never been before, and sometimes to places where we won't freeze over the winter, and honestly, aren't that beautiful. Right now, we're in Wichita, Kansas, which is definitely more toward the second end of the spectrum I loosely laid out above.

If you're reading this, you probably already know that I'm a writer. Some would argue that I'm not a professional yet, because I haven't exactly received a paycheck, but this is what I do. I haven't shown up to a regular job for about seven months now, because I've been writing. Not always at the pace I'd like to, but I think that kind of comes with the territory. I'm learning how this works, and I'm learning how to think differently about how I'm living this life that is mine. I just turned 42 years old, and I've had a job just about uninterruptedly since I was 16. By "job", I mean that I went somewhere besides home, punched a clock, did stuff, and got paid for the time I was there at an agreed upon rate per hour. I don't do that anymore now, and I've had people actually ask me, "Where have you been looking?", meaning, basically, "Why haven't you found a place to clock in and out at yet?"

I understand why they ask me that, because basically, that's the normal thing to do that EVERYONE who is responsible does, right? Well, maybe not. Most people don't understand others who see things differently from how they do, or people who do things differently than how they would do them. Which is fine, until someone in the conversations says, either outright, or covertly, that it's not. Here's the thing: I don't need you to understand what I'm doing in order for it to be the right thing for me to do. I would like to have everyone's support and understanding while I'm doing this, but if I don't have it, I'm fine with that, too. Because this is what I'm doing. Because THIS is what I've been called to do. I know, without doubt, who made me. He made me the way I am on purpose, and for a purpose, and He did that unapologetically. I think that means that, more than likely, He intended me to live the way he made me to be on purpose, and for a purpose, and that I'm to do so unapologetically. Anything less would be ungrateful.

I'm thankful for this unusual life I've been given. I'm thankful for the amazing wife I've been given. I'm thankful for the calling I've been given, even though, at times it scares the crap out of me, because I have absolutely no idea where it's gonna take me. I have no idea what's gonna happen when I'm finished writing my first book, other than the fact that I'm going to write another one. I've already got ideas for the next two, which blows my mind, because I haven't figured out the end of the first one yet. It's weird.

I don't need anyone to understand why I do what I do. It would be nice, but I'm not going to apologize if you don't. I think if I did, it would be ungrateful to the one who made me, and I refuse to do that. If you're reading this, I love you, and I thank you for taking the time to do so. Hopefully, you'll take the time to read my books when I've finished them, as well, and hopefully, you'll enjoy them, and they'll mean as much to you as they do to me. But, please, don't feel sorry for me because I don't live life the same as you. It's not the way I was built, and I'm okay with that, because it was done on purpose.

Oh, and by the way, I can't wait to see everyone and hear how, hopefully, their lives have changed and are completely different from how they were the last time we were face to face.

Sword Play (Forgotten Realms: Netheril, #1) by Clayton Emery-- A Book Review

Sword Play by Clayton Emery

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This is the first novel I've read that's tied directly to the Dungeons & Dragons multiverse, and according to the lists I found online, is the first chronologically in the extensive Forgotten Realms library. I think knowing beforehand how campy a lot of the material from first and second edition D&D can be increased my enjoyment of Sword Play.

I started reading these books in an attempt to get a feel for the world and lore that makes up the Forgotten Realms. Taking that approach made this book very enjoyable. I think if someone reads this book expecting it to be on par with Lord of the Rings, they're probably going to be disappointed. That being said, I thought this book was a lot of fun. I mean, if you can't laugh about a main character's name being Sunbright Steelshanks, you may be taking this particular branch of the fantasy genre more seriously than it may have ever been intended to be taken.

Is some of the dialogue bordering on, or even crossing over into terrible? Yes. Are the fight scenes over the top and sometimes ridiculous like Saturday morning cartoons from the late '70s and early '80s? Absolutely! But I think that's what makes this book, and maybe even this entire fantasy subgenre so enjoyable for me thus far. It made this 42 year old guy feel like a kid again. I can't find anything wrong with that.

Stick around for future reviews to see if my thoughts about this particular line of books changes, or if the campy holds its enchantment for This Aaron Guy. Only time will tell if the enjoyment holds as I make it further into the Forgotten Realms.

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.

That Aaron Guy

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The Blue Light Project by Timothy Taylor -- A Book Review

The Blue Light Project by Timothy Taylor

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I've had this book on my Nook for years, and I don't even remember where it came from, honestly. I'm thinking it must have been from a Free Friday promotion from Barnes and Noble. I started reading it the other day simply to clear it off of my device, since it's been there for so long. I'm glad I did!

The Blue Light Project is a very interesting commentary on society at large, and of fame and those who seek it in particular. Does fame change both those who achieve it, and those who seek it at all costs? Does the media hold excessive sway over society and dictate not only what, but how people think? These are two of the biggest questions the author explores in his telling of this story about a hostage taker who storms a show called Kiddiefame during a live broadcast.

I thought Mr. Taylor did a superb job introducing the reader to the various characters throughout the book, and I especially liked Rabbit and Eve. When Thomas Pegg was first introduced, I felt like I had just been slimed, and I pretty much hated the character, and hoped he wouldn't be in the book for long. Later, I still didn't really care for him much, but I did find myself feeling a bit of sympathy for him, because even though he's kind of a terrible guy, he had things happen to him in the past that even he didn't completely deserve.

The building tension throughout the book was very well forged, and I felt it pushed the storyline along quite nicely. As the crowds gathered outside the theater where children were being held hostage by an obvious madman, tempers flare, and it seemed that full scale rioting was inevitable. I think reading it now, after our entire country has so recently gone through such a hard time over the past few years, mostly due to the media and their slanted views of pretty much EVERYTHING makes this novel even more poignant, since it was published almost eight years ago.

If you haven't yet read anything by Timothy Taylor, I highly recommend you check out The Blue Light Project. I found it both entertaining and thought provoking.

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.
That Aaron Guy



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Siege of Talonrend (The Goblin Wars #1) by Stuart Thaman -- A Book Review

Siege of Talonrend by Stuart Thaman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


The goblins are coming! The goblins are coming! Ok, so, that line was never put into this book, but it definitely could have been. Siege of Talonrend is an exciting tale of missing kings, fantastic magical weapons, evil plans, and massive attacking armies.

If you're a fan of fantasy fiction (and who isn't?) this first installment in The Goblin Wars series is for you. Once I started reading it, I finished it in an extended reading sprint. My favorite character is Gideon. He's a mighty warrior who has a magic sword that gives him amazing fighting abilities, with one minor caveat: if he draws it and doesn't kill something that has a soul the sword can feed on, the magic within the weapon will eventually kill its wielder. If you want to find out more, you'll have to read the book, as no spoiler of plotlines am I!

I thought the author's storytelling abilities were spot on, and I completely lost track of time while I was reading this one. The battle scenes are epic, the characters came to life, and I even found myself liking a few of the main goblins. We're supposed to just hate goblins from the get go, right? Well, I thought so, too, until I was introduced to Vorst and Gravlox. The more I got to know them, the more I really didn't want them to die before the story ended.

Stuart Thaman has crafted a great tale of fantasy within the pages of Siege of Talonrend, and made me want to find out more about what happens after the goblin attacks on the city. Well played, Mr. Thaman. Well played, indeed.

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.

That Aaron Guy



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Find Siege of Talonrend on Amazon:

Reading more now. Again!

I've had my Nook Simple Touch for a few years now, and hadn't used it in quite some time because it wouldn't charge. I was about to pull the trigger on getting a replacement battery for it, and had even taken the unit apart a few weeks ago to do that. After taking it apart and disconnecting the battery, and then reconnecting it, I tried to see if it would charge. It still just sat there, with the screen saying, "Your Nook's battery is to low to power on. Wait fifteen minutes," or something to that effect. Well, an hour and a half later, the same message was still being displayed.

Last weekend, Deborah and I went to quite a few estate sales, and found a small flea market that was having a 50% of on EVERYTHING sale. I found another Nook that was marked $10, and figured if it would at least power on, I could scavenge the battery from that one to replace the one in my old unit. At only five bucks, why not, right? So I took the new-to-me unit home, and it charged right up. This morning, I was finally going to swap the batteries out, but somehow, I've misplaced the only screwdriver I own that was small enough to take the single screw out of the Nook I just purchased to take it apart. After searching and searching without finding the screwdriver, I had planned on going to the Evil Empire to buy another one, when I figured, "Why don't I just plug the old Nook in and give it another shot at charging?" So, I unplugged the battery from the mother board, reconnected it, and plugged the charger in. For the first time in well over a year, (maybe 2) it's powered up and still charging. Weird how electronics act sometimes, isn't it?

Of course, I still need to run to the store-that-shall-not-be-named to get another mini screwdriver so I can put the thing back together, but at least it's working now. I've been downloading books from Amazon and reading them on my phone for the past few weeks, but I don't really like reading on a backlit screen. I kept downloading books that will work on my Nook, as well, in an effort to force myself to get it back up and running again so I don't have all these books just sitting on my computer without a non-backlit screen with which to read them. For some reason, I didn't want to put them on the Nook I just bought. Probably because I bought it with the intention of selling it if it worked, I guess. If I put books on it, I'd just have to move them over to the other unit. Who wants to go through all that file transfer? Apparently, not me! LOL!

Be patient, everyone who follows the book reviews around these parts. More will be coming soon. In fact, I'm gonna post another new one right after this blog entry goes up, so keep an eye out for it.

Soul Survivor by Susan Faw -- A Book Review

Soul Survivor by Susan Faw

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I thought this book was a decent fantasy series intro, and found it to be entertaining, but some of the descriptions were a bit vague and confusing, and sadly, most of the confusing bits had to do with the magic the story revolves around. This was a fairly quick read, but I'm not sure I'm sold on buying the other books in the series to see what happens next. I just wasn't sucked into the story enough to become invested in the characters. They didn't really seem to be as fleshed out as they could have been. A lot of the fantastic things in the story seemed a bit cliche and unoriginal.

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.

That Aaron Guy



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Dinosaur Lake by Kathryn Meyer Griffith -- A Book Review

Dinosaur Lake by Kathryn Meyer Griffith

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


I received this book free as an ebook from a giveaway I found on Google+. Now I kinda want my money back.

I somehow made it 164 pages in, after talking myself into continuing several times. I started reading this one over a month ago, and only made it this far into it. That should be an indicator of how much I didn't really want to read it. Usually, I can burn through a book of this length in a matter of two or three days. The poorly written account of the dinosaur attacking the family on Phantom Ship Island put an end to that, though. I should've grabbed a clue from the hokey dialogue earlier in the book, so I can only blame myself for continuing this far into the book.

If you're going to use an actual location for your story, you should write realistically for the geography. Boat tours at Crater Lake don't drop people off at Phantom Ship, because there's no way anyone could walk around on it. And for the love of all things decent, please, please, please, don't string sentence fragment after sentence fragment after sentence fragment together and try to pass it off as writing. If you do that in dialogue, and actually pull it off, I may forgive you. Do it in an attempt to describe what should be an action sequence, and you've lost me.

Yet another book relegated to the Did Not Finish shelf.

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.

That Aaron Guy


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The Hope in Me

How many times have I just sat back and watched the world go by, wondering how I fit into it all? Feeling that I had some part to play in it, but having no idea what that part may be? No more will I willingly sit in that place feeling like I have nothing of worth to contribute.

I have been called to write, so here I sit writing. I was never called to be read, yet I write. I wasn't told I would be heard, maybe because I'm supposed to listen and follow, instead. And, of course, write what I've heard and learned, as much for myself as for anyone else.

For too long, I've placed the emphasis of my life on what I have or on what I thought others thought of me. Which is weird, because if people don't really notice me or agree with what I have to say, I'm okay with that. Then, when I have something to say, I'll go ahead and say it. Most times it doesn't agree with what a lot of others are saying, many times because what they're saying makes zero sense to me.

So, I've been told to write, not like I'm a voice calling out in the wilderness, or anything like that. I'm definitely not THAT guy. He was closely related to Jesus. I am, too, of course, but in a totally different way. Yes, I do see the world as a whole as a gaping wilderness where a LOT of people have no idea why they are here. And as every believer, I know it's my duty to help them find the path. The better path. The only path that leads to life.

So, here I sit. My butt in a lawn chair right outside the door of my RV, listening to city traffic seventy feet away, and the piercing whistle of the trains rumbling by every twenty or thirty minutes, pounding out these words that I hope make sense. Words that I pray will convey what they're supposed to convey. I'm just a guy with a keyboard who has lots of words. Hopefully, some of those words are the ones someone needs to hear today. I know things look bad, and that some of them look downright scary, dark, hopeless, and yes, even evil. Trust me, I'm on Facebook, too. WAY more than I should be, I'll admit, because I've been feeling that, too. Like everything is going to hell in a handbasket, and I may just be along for the ride. But I'm not just along for the ride.

I have the conquerer of death itself living inside of me. He wasn't just a challenger who thought He MIGHT be able to conquer death, maybe, someday. He looked death in the face, actually let death take Him, and then kicked the ever living crap out of it. When He came back, He was stronger than ever before because He was no longer bound by an earthly, weak body of mud that was confined by the rules of this fallen world. Instead, He had restored what we were all originally meant to be, fully walking in the blessing, power, protection, love, hope, mercy, grace, and perfection of God's plan for who He wanted us all to be. In fact, He had never been bound by that earthly body of mud, because He had always had perfect relationship with the Father. Remember that time He walked on water. Pretty sure that was completely out of bounds for mere human existence.

So, today, instead of wondering how this thing, or that person's bad decision, or this evil, or that lack, or hunger, or fear, or anger, or hate might affect my day, I'm just going to focus on the Greater One living inside of me. Instead of fearing, I'm going to listen to what He says to that fear, and simply repeat it. Instead of wondering if I'm walking down the path He laid out for my life before He spoke light into existence, I'm going to listen to what He says about me and who I am, and I'm going to tell myself that. Instead of worrying about the world around me crumbling to the ground, which is exactly what it's inevitably going to do at some point in the future, I'm going to listen to what He says about MY day today in THIS place, and believe that.

So, here I sit, writing words that have helped me face my day. I hope they give some measure of hope to you during yours, as well.

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.

That Aaron Guy

Looking at the Moon

I feel more at peace today than I have in quite some time. It's hard to say if this is due to a full night's sleep, not feeling the imminent demise of Deborah's employment any longer, or because I'm finally embracing my position during this time of my life.

Does it really matter why I feel at peace? I have to answer this question with a hearty "not really". I don't feel even the slightest worry. Not for the future. Not for my finances. Not for whether or not my book is going to sell when I finally get it finished at some point in the (I hope) not too distant future. No, I didn't have some grand revelation from scripture this morning that changed my perspective on life. I read Philippians, which is one of Paul's great letters, but nothing really jumped out at me. Then I read Psalm 80 and the accompanying passage out of Treasury of David, and nothing in particular came out and glowed off the page.

But I don't really need these kinds of things on a daily basis. I just feel more grounded than I have in a while. I'm in Kansas, not in the mountains right next to a river like I was for the past four months. It's like I'm beginning to learn, and I mean really LEARN that my surroundings don't matter. I remember one night when I was leaving work in Fort Mill, South Carolina. I looked up at the moon, which was full that night. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular about the moon, the night sky, or anything like that. I just glanced up at the moon while I was walking across the parking lot toward my truck. And I heard God say, clear as day, "That's the same moon you've looked at for your whole life. It doesn't matter where you are, Aaron, I'm always right there with you." That simple statement really blew me away. In those two short sentences, God affirmed His calling, purpose, and protection and love over my life. What's really cool about that is that the moon I've looked at my whole life is the exact same moon that Abraham looked up at, possibly as he travelled from Ur. And as permanent as that may seem to us, God was around before any of it was spoken into existence, and He was thinking about me and what I'd be thinking and doing at this very moment as I'm writing this before He spoke a word of creation. He was thinking about you, too. And He knew then what you'd be thinking when you read this.

No matter where we are or what we're doing, no matter where our lives take us, God is always right there, and He always knows exactly what we're thinking about, struggling with, worrying about, and hoping for. He's known all of that since before He spoke light into existence. He gave us light to see by before there was even anything physical to see. If He planned that little detail out so well, why would we ever think He'd just leave us to wander around in the darkness by ourselves? Just a random musing this morning in windy Wichita, Kansas.

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.

That Aaron Guy

Treasury of David

I've been making my way through the Psalms over the past several months, and reading through Treasury of David as a commentary to each chapter. This is part of what I read today:

"Ought not pious people more closely to imitate their heavenly Father in caring for those who have been condemned to die? An eminent Christian lady keeps a record of all who have been sentenced to death, so far as she hears of them, and prays for them every day till their end come. Is not such conduct in sympathy with the heart of God!" - William S. Plumer, as quoted in Charles H. Spurgeon's book The Treasury of David in commentary to Psalm 79:11, which says, "Let the sighing of the prisoner come before thee; according to the greatness of thy power preserve thou those that are appointed to die."

This entire Psalm is basically a prayer by Asaph asking God to drop his judgement on heathen forces who have ransacked Jerusalem and the temple, and have killed God's followers. They were even leaving the dead bodies in the streets to rot in complete disrespect for who the Jewish people were and everything they believed.

And then, toward the end of the Psalm, verse eleven pops out as a comment about those who are in prison, and have become so resigned to their position and their fate that they can only sigh. Without even the power to say a proper spoken prayer, they sigh in defeat. Asaph asks God to hear even those sighs and to act to deliver them from their prisons where they have been thrown. Judging from the tenor of the rest of the chapter, these imprisonments are completely unjust, their only crime being that they follow the one true God.

Then the commentary by Plumer ratchets the plea up a notch, giving Christian believers a great example of how we are to see all of our fellowman. Even those who can rightly be called the worst of us, those who have been sentenced to death for stealing someone else's life from them. Even they are loved by the creator of the cosmos. Which means they should be loved and cared for by us, as well. Because they still have free will, and they can still use that will to accept everything God did for EVERY inhabitant of the planet, including the worst of us. THIS is compassion. THIS is loving like Jesus loved. THIS is loving our neighbors as ourselves.

I'll be the first to admit that I miss it on this point more often than I get it right. I don't know how often I've said (especially in the past few months), "Those people are idiots, and they deserve whatever comes their way." And usually, I'm not talking merely about prison time for their poor life decisions and criminal behavior.

I think the main thing I need to remember is that confused and deceived people act exactly like confused and deceived people. They honestly do not know any better. Should there be consequences, even severe ones, for their actions? Absolutely, there should. But at the same time, that doesn't give me the right to wish harm or bodily injury on them. If things make me angry, I need to do better at stepping back, taking a breath, and despising the action without despising the individual that's perpetrating the action. Otherwise, I've already kind of become exactly like them, haven't I? If that's the case, I've become less like the person I was created to be. Every time.

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.

That Aaron Guy

Life Anyway

I've been having a hard time lately because I've always worked a job, and now I'm not doing that. I was brought up to work hard and earn a living, but what if there's more to my life than that? If there is, then how do I balance what I've been taught and believed for so long with what I truly feel I'm being called to do at this particular point in my life? How do I fully stop thinking the old way, the only way I've ever known, and embrace this new thing in my life?

Society has such a stranglehold on us all, dictating what "normal" is, and ridiculing or scorning those that no longer fit into their neat little predefined boxes of how things "should" be and how people should behave or live their lives. If society has it so figured out, then why are there so many people walking the line of "normal" who are completely miserable, and don't even want to get up out of bed in the morning? People who can't stand the job they've been faithfully reporting to five or six days a week for the past twenty-five years, who haven't enjoyed that job since a month after they started. I submit that normal is killing us in droves. All in the name of chasing something that doesn't truly exist: normalcy of life.

What if this "normal" isn't something we were ever intended for? What if we were created for something grander? Is it possible that there is something that matters more than despising what we feel we're forced to do for forty or fifty hours week after week and year after year?

I'm writing, and I truly have no idea if anyone besides my family and friends will actually read my words. My wife asked me a very poignant question last night when I finally told her I was concerned about this. "So what? Maybe you should be asking yourself, "What if people actually do read what you write?" Are you writing for someone to read it, or are you writing it for you, because you know it's what you're supposed to be doing right now?"

Yep, she's pretty much a genius. If I'm writing for everyone else, it's going to change how or what I write. Just like if I'm living for everyone else and their expectations, it's going to change how I live. How we live is important, but if we're living for other people and their expectations of who we should be, aren't we dying a little every day? Only one person's opinion of me matters. The opinion of the one who made me to begin with. And I'm pretty sure He's cheering me on, and can't wait to read the next words I put down, even though He's the one that gave them to me in the first place.

Who are you living your life to please today? Why do they get such an important say in what you do? Something to think about. Now, I'm not telling you to go out and knock over an armored truck later this afternoon. There are certain expectations of society that are there for a very good reason, and the distinct possibility of a life in prison is bad any way you look at it. Simply put, pursuit of life: good, pursuit of prison: markedly less than good. But if you've got a burning desire to do that one thing, and every day that passes without you doing it causes a piece of you to die, maybe you should figure out a way that you can do that thing. It's probably the one thing that will allow you to truly live. And isn't that the reason we call this breathing thing "life", anyway?

Until next time, stay safe, and above all, be true to yourself.

That Aaron Guy