The Project--11/29/17

Sometimes I feel like I’m not going to make it. I know these thoughts don’t come from me, but how I fight them matters. I question my decisions and wonder if they’re going to take me where I want to go. When I don’t have ideas, or don’t feel inspired, I try harder to get in the right mindset. It’s like trying harder to sleep when you can’t sleep. The more you try, the more elusive your goal can become.

I’ve worked jobs for set pay my entire life, and now I’m putting down my ideas. Of course, most of them seem like they’re good, right up until I can’t decide what direction to take next. Lord, please speak to me and give me the words, because my well isn’t flowing today. Should I simply start typing without being critical about how it’s flowing at the time?

I wrote the above words awhile back (about six months ago), and they’re still true today. I don’t always know what I should be writing, but I feel like I need to be writing something. Sometimes, it feels like I just need to sit down, put fingers on keys, and see what comes out. Sometimes that works, and sometimes, all I get is disjointed gobbledy-gook. The short little prayer above asking God to speak to me and give me the words is how I’m going to write what follows. I have absolutely no idea where this is going to lead, but for some reason, my family likes what I write when I wing it off the cuff, so to speak. So maybe, just maybe, this is how I need to write when the subject is a serious one. Most of the poems I’ve written were written in one single gush of typing gusto, with only a word or two changed before I called them “finished”. Now, I’m going to try that on a larger scale. We’ll find out together where it takes us. So, stick around, because I have absolutely no idea what I’ll end up saying, but I think it’s going to be interesting. This is going to be like diary entries of thoughts that hit my head when I’m sitting down to write in this space, so here goes…

11/29/17

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So, I’ve felt for a while now that I’m supposed to be writing, but the question has always been, “What, exactly should I be writing?” Poetry? A novel (or maybe three)? Short thoughts like I’ve been posting on my blog lately? A nonfiction book about things I’ve learned? As confusing as it’s been, the answer to all of these questions seems to be, “Yes.” So, I’ve felt a little scattered, because I feel like I have several projects in a state of constant flux, and nothing feels like it’s getting completed. Will it be completed at some point in the hopefully not too distant future? I certainly hope so. I guess I’ll see when I get there.

Since we move around, one of the ongoing struggles in my life has been finding somewhere to worship. What I’ve learned in the past three years is that not all churches are created equal. No, I’m not going to call any particular ones out here by name as being what I consider great or not so great. But, I have noticed that there seems to be an over prioritization and focus on behavior and striving to be better rather than the simple, two point answer that Jesus gave to the question, “What is the greatest commandment?” He didn’t say, “Follow all the rules and try harder to be better people.” Or, “I know life really sucks and it’s hard. Just hold on and try to be a better person, and one of these days, you’ll be in Heaven.” He simply said to, “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. On this hang all the Law and the prophets.”--Matthew 22:37-40.

So, what about drinking, smoking, gambling, playing cards, going to the movies, wearing jewelry, cutting our hair, how we dress, where we work, what political party we belong to, what kind of car we drive (gas or electric), etc, etc, etc.? He doesn’t even mention any of that stuff. Why? I’m pretty sure it’s because at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter all that much. But to hear a lot of people tell it, if they think they shouldn’t do something, than neither should anyone else, because it’s a sin. And I think that this is where things start to get a bit squirrely. Sin has been defined as a set of behaviors, instead of being defined as an attitude that separates us from God and His love and His desire for us to have everything He intended for us to have, and us being who He created us to be. So, if you’re struggling with a habit, attitude, or thought, just try harder, because that’s what God expects of you. If you’re not getting healed, you just don’t have enough faith. If you’re struggling financially, you must have something bad in your life that you haven’t properly dealt with. If you look different from how I look, or dress differently from how I dress, then you’re not welcome here.

I’ve seen it. Crap, I’ve even experienced it firsthand within the past few years. No wonder so many people outside the church think believers are a bunch of closed minded, hateful, judgemental, angry, hypocritical people with superiority complexes. There’s really no one to blame for this other than those who call themselves Christians, but don’t have the love of Christ in them. And there are a lot of them out there. They’re easiest to spot when they’re railing against homosexuals, blowing up abortion clinics, or recruiting for the Ku Klux Klan or Aryan Nation. Let me give everyone a hint here: NONE of these people are Christians. How can I tell? Because the single word “Christian” is defined as “a person who follows or adheres to Christianity, an Abrahamic, monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.” Yes, that’s the definition I found on Wikipedia, but it’s as accurate a definition as you’ll find anywhere. Remember earlier I quoted Matthew 22, where Jesus Himself said, “Love your neighbor as yourself”? He followed his own advice on this point, and I think one of the best examples of this in scripture is when he had such an open dialogue with the woman at the well. We’re never told her name, and all we know about her is that she had several broken relationships in her past, and that she was a Samaritan. Samaritans had what could be called a less than cordial relationship with Jews, and Jews of the day wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. Yet, Jesus doesn’t hesitate in having a conversation with this “unclean” woman, and this single conversation changed her entire life. This right here is what it means to love your neighbor as yourself, yet how many people don’t even want to go anywhere near a church because that one time they tried, they were treated as less worthy by those who were there every week?

I think a large portion of the modern church has missed it big time by trying to rule people’s lives, both inside and outside the church, by a set of rules, regulations, and behaviors that they deem to be acceptable or unacceptable. There was only one thing in the garden of Eden that was off limits, which was the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I don’t believe the fruit was magical, cursed, or particularly special, but it was off limits. The only reason it was off limits is because God wanted a pure, loving relationship with his children. The only way love can truly be love is when there’s an option to not choose it. By choosing to go against God by believing the lies that Satan told them, Adam and Eve both chose to cut off the source of life that they were created to depend on, and to make themselves and knowledge their source, instead. When churches focus on behaviors as “sinful” or “righteous”, they are simply operating from another branch of the forbidden tree. Knowledge of good is just as destructive as knowledge of evil, because knowledge is still the source. The only source that won’t kill us as humans is the tree of Life, which is our creator, and the only way back to it is through His son, Jesus. When we’ve truly made Him our Lord, He is our source of all things, but only if we actually trust Him to be that for us. If we succumb to the belief that we have to try harder to be better, we’ve gone right back to that other tree that will ultimately kill us, because we’ve unplugged, yet again, from the only source that can sustain our lives. When we’re plugged into Him, and completely dependant on Him for everything we need, the old desires, and “bad behaviors”, for lack of a better term, will fade into the past, because our desires for them will wither and die.

It’s not our job as believers to force others to agree with us, or to force them to behave the way that we think is “right”. Jesus was so powerful and effective because He showed people the love he had within Himself, and He always gave everyone the option of not listening to him and walking away without accepting the life He had to give. When we do the same, amazing doors will be opened, and miraculous results will be seen. I think it’s time to stop perpetuating the belief that Christians are closed minded, hateful, judgemental, angry, hypocritical people with superiority complexes. The only way to counter that is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and then to truly love your neighbor as yourself. No judgements, no disapproving looks, no telling them they need to get their hair cut, no telling them they have to wear a suit to come into the building, no telling them they have to stop smoking in the parking lot. Why? Because they’re actually there looking for answers to why their lives aren’t quite working out. They’re looking for something to cling to other than the top branches of that knowledge tree. They’re looking for the Source of Life. And they are exactly as important to the Creator as you are. They are exactly as loved by Him as you are. They are created in His image just like you are. So let them in the door, and cut it out with your superiority complex. Because it’s killing the very people YOU are called to rescue.

Thank you, Harlan, for telling me I need a platform. Here it is. For now.

Progress?

I remember when I was a kid, we knew all of our neighbors. We may not have been on a first name basis with all of them, but we knew who they were. The lack of first name basis may have been due to the fact that my parents taught me respect for my elders, and we didn’t call adults by their first names. Ever. It just wasn’t something that was done. The only adults I remember addressing by their first name were family, and even then, their name was preceded by either “Aunt” or “Uncle”. If I remember correctly, we didn’t even refer to the pastors at the church I grew up in by their first names. It was always “Pastor (insert last name here)”.

I don’t think all of this was due to the fact that I grew up in a relatively small town, either. I truly believe it was due to the fact that I had parents who actually parented. We were always held accountable for our actions, and the attitudes behind those actions. I grew up knowing, without any degree of ambiguity, that there were consequences for how I behaved. Seems like the word consequences is a curse word in today’s society. It’s really a neutral word that should not connote either positive or negative feelings. Consequences are merely the effects of a given action. If I were to hit myself in the ankle with a baseball bat that I’ve swung as hard as I can, the consequence would be that I will have pain, possibly for several weeks or months to come. If I fulfilled the responsibilities that I had, I had the consequence that there was a lack of strife or pain in my immediate future. Don’t take that last sentence the wrong way, though. It doesn’t mean that I grew up in constant fear of punishment or pain. I simply understood that when I carried the things that I was expected to carry, blessings would come instead of curses. I’d be praised for my accomplishments rather than having the privileges that I enjoyed removed.

I guess you could say I grew up understanding what free will actually is. I always had a choice in how I behaved, and if I did something other than what I truly understood to be appropriate, I had the expectation that some form of unpleasantness would follow. It may not follow immediately on every occasion, but at some point, it was likely to come. The older I get, the more convinced I am that less and less of society at large is learning what consequences are, and it shows. In fact, its appearances are ever increasing. How else can you explain the spreading belief that words can actually be construed as physical violence? Or that adults (yes, college students fit every criteria to fulfill the definition of adults) have to be rescued from prison in China because they shoplifted while they were visiting there? Just because you were never taught personal responsibility doesn’t negate the fact that there are consequences for your actions. Personally, I think every single one of those thieving basketball players should have been left there to deal with those consequences on their own. We’ll see if being bailed out by the U.S. government does anything to change the path their past life decisions have put them on. So far, it doesn’t look promising.

I say all the time (and my wife will bear witness to this), that “the downfall of society is the complete and total lack of personal responsibility.” I’ll stand by that statement until the day I die, no matter how many decades distant that date may be. If people were actually responsible for themselves, that would mean that no other entity on the planet would be responsible for them. They would actually own their own stuff, and would carry it without expecting anyone else to do so. If they are carrying their own stuff, it means I don’t have to. It also means that since I’m carrying all of my own stuff, you don’t have to do it for me.

What that does not mean is that we don’t all need help from one another from time to time. Everyone gets punched in the teeth by life, and it hurts every single time it happens. However, many times that people get punched in the teeth by life, it’s at least partially, and many times mostly self-inflicted. And, yes, I include myself in that statement. While some things happen that are unavoidable, there are many that are completely avoidable simply by being responsible and conducting ourselves wisely. It seems that a large portion of  “adults” have disengaged their logic, reason, and critical thinking, many of them permanently. It’s as if they truly couldn’t fathom that their actions would have those consequences. I mean, who knew that vandalizing public property would result in arrest, criminal charges, and monetary penalties?? Especially when it’s recorded and posted to social media like a badge of honor or bravery for standing up to the man in supposed protest to personal oppression. When in all honesty, it appears that they just wanted to break something that didn’t belong to them because it was what everyone else was doing, and they don’t have any impulse control. Yep, it all comes back to personal responsibility or the lack thereof.

Thinking about all of this reminds me of something I heard growing up, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Seems a lot of people never heard that, or have chosen to forget it. “But,” they’ll say, “the government gives free stuff to people all the time, and I want what’s coming to me.” Someone has to foot the bill for everything. For some reason, that’s a difficult concept for many people to grasp. Maybe because they’ve been told for so long by so many faulty sources of so-called “knowledge” that socialism is awesome. Besides, it’s easier getting paid for doing nothing than it is actually earning a living, isn’t it? I would say it probably is, but the price you’ll pay in dignity, self respect, and lack of purpose far outweigh any monetary gains you think you’ve made. Every. Single. Time.

We’re right in the middle of the holiday season, which seems more and more to bring out the worst in people. Just look on YouTube at the insanity that erupts at malls all over the country on Black Friday. There’s an old song that declares, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” If we forget to be thankful for the amazing privilege we’ve been given simply by breathing, being able to walk around, and having a roof over our heads to keep us dry and warm, and are willing to get into fistfights with strangers over that newfangled gadget we’ve just got to have because everyone else has one, and getting it will make me one of the cool kids, this most definitely will NOT be the most wonderful time of the year.

Have we progressed as we’ve moved as a society from the “old fashioned” ways of our grandparents, and maybe even our parents? I’m only 42 years old, and the way I grew up could probably be considered old fashioned by the standards of today. To me, it seems that the more we progress, the uglier things seem to be. If we’re giving up kindness for progress, what results will that trade bring us in the future? None of them look very attractive to me, since we’re growing more and more disconnected from the people who live right next door to us. If you’re reading this and think you’re not being carried by the wave of disconnection that’s been taking place, stop and think for just a minute. Can you come up with a list of ten of your neighbor’s first names? By neighbors, I’m just referring to people who live on your block or in your apartment complex. I’ll admit, I can’t. I should probably do something to change that…

If we’d take more time to sit and talk with the people who live in close proximity to us over a cup of coffee every once in awhile, I’m thinking we’d all realize that no matter what they look like, what they do for a living, or how they view the world that we’re all sharing, we have far more things in common with them than we could imagine. And I’m pretty sure that realization would make us all just a little kinder to one another. Maybe that truly would make the next few weeks the most wonderful time of the year. Now, that would be progress.

Traitors--Short Story by Richard Lee Byers--A Review

Traitors by Richard Lee Byers—5 stars.

This short story is part of a collection of similar stories found in Realms of the Elves.

This story was phenomenally well written, and very fast paced. This one’s got great dragon battles, good character development, well written dialogue, and a great and developed plot. All of that in only 75 pages! Some of the best Forgotten Realms writing I’ve read thus far. I’m looking forward to reading more by Mr. Byers if this short story is any indication of the quality of his work!

The Search For Understanding

Ok, I'll admit it. I have a desire to be understood. I think we all do, right? But what does being understood really mean? Is it a desire for people to hear us? To actually listen to us and agree with what we think? Why is THAT so important to us, and should it be?

Thanksgiving is this week, and I'll be seeing extended family that I haven't seen in years. I know I've changed a ton in those years, and I'm sure some of them have, as well. My wife and I live in such a way that most people would probably call it unconventional. We live in an RV and we move as often as we can afford to. Sometimes to beautiful places we've never been before, and sometimes to places where we won't freeze over the winter, and honestly, aren't that beautiful. Right now, we're in Wichita, Kansas, which is definitely more toward the second end of the spectrum I loosely laid out above.

If you're reading this, you probably already know that I'm a writer. Some would argue that I'm not a professional yet, because I haven't exactly received a paycheck, but this is what I do. I haven't shown up to a regular job for about seven months now, because I've been writing. Not always at the pace I'd like to, but I think that kind of comes with the territory. I'm learning how this works, and I'm learning how to think differently about how I'm living this life that is mine. I just turned 42 years old, and I've had a job just about uninterruptedly since I was 16. By "job", I mean that I went somewhere besides home, punched a clock, did stuff, and got paid for the time I was there at an agreed upon rate per hour. I don't do that anymore now, and I've had people actually ask me, "Where have you been looking?", meaning, basically, "Why haven't you found a place to clock in and out at yet?"

I understand why they ask me that, because basically, that's the normal thing to do that EVERYONE who is responsible does, right? Well, maybe not. Most people don't understand others who see things differently from how they do, or people who do things differently than how they would do them. Which is fine, until someone in the conversations says, either outright, or covertly, that it's not. Here's the thing: I don't need you to understand what I'm doing in order for it to be the right thing for me to do. I would like to have everyone's support and understanding while I'm doing this, but if I don't have it, I'm fine with that, too. Because this is what I'm doing. Because THIS is what I've been called to do. I know, without doubt, who made me. He made me the way I am on purpose, and for a purpose, and He did that unapologetically. I think that means that, more than likely, He intended me to live the way he made me to be on purpose, and for a purpose, and that I'm to do so unapologetically. Anything less would be ungrateful.

I'm thankful for this unusual life I've been given. I'm thankful for the amazing wife I've been given. I'm thankful for the calling I've been given, even though, at times it scares the crap out of me, because I have absolutely no idea where it's gonna take me. I have no idea what's gonna happen when I'm finished writing my first book, other than the fact that I'm going to write another one. I've already got ideas for the next two, which blows my mind, because I haven't figured out the end of the first one yet. It's weird.

I don't need anyone to understand why I do what I do. It would be nice, but I'm not going to apologize if you don't. I think if I did, it would be ungrateful to the one who made me, and I refuse to do that. If you're reading this, I love you, and I thank you for taking the time to do so. Hopefully, you'll take the time to read my books when I've finished them, as well, and hopefully, you'll enjoy them, and they'll mean as much to you as they do to me. But, please, don't feel sorry for me because I don't live life the same as you. It's not the way I was built, and I'm okay with that, because it was done on purpose.

Oh, and by the way, I can't wait to see everyone and hear how, hopefully, their lives have changed and are completely different from how they were the last time we were face to face.