The Project--12/13/17

Deborah and I have a little Chihuahua named Porsche. She’s our little travelling furball, and she’s pretty much internet famous. Of course, being a dog, she has absolutely no idea what either the internet or famous mean, she just keeps right on being a dog, just like she always has. We take her pretty much everywhere with us, and she even has a little pink stroller that was made specifically for spoiled little princess dogs like her.

Everywhere we go, people talk to her and want to pet her. Invariably, they’re surprised that she’s a Chihuahua, since she is without any of the negative traits people usually associate with Chihuahuas. She isn’t yappy or nervous, and she doesn’t shake all the time. We chalk that up to our accomplishment as great puppy parents. We were very intentional with her from the time we brought her home. We took her everywhere with us then, just like we still do today, so she’s an extremely well socialized little puppy.

I just noticed something about her this morning as I let her out of her little pet taxi for her usual out the door, gotta go right now excursion. She doesn’t ever do anything halfway. She is always excited about everything. Time to go outside? She runs to the door full force and hops around as she waits for me to put her harness and leash on her. When it’s cold and she sees me getting her sweater out of the drawer that she knows contains only her stuff, she spins in circles and hops around until I pick her up to dress her. When she sees us putting on our shoes to go somewhere, she hops around, ensuring she gets our attention so she can ask, “Can I go today, too?” And when we’re going somewhere she can’t go, and we tell her no, I could swear I can see a little bit of sad disappointment in her little eyes. When I open the front door of the RV, even if I’ve only gone out to the truck to get something right quick, she meets me right there at the door, doing her little wiggle butt, waggy tail, hop around and almost fall out of the RV dance because she’s so excited to see me again. Why? Because she’s a dog, and she doesn’t do anything halfway.

When she ran full tilt to the door this morning, I noticed that she has something that a lot of us as people have lost somewhere along the way. She’s simply happy to be alive. Going outside to do her business is always an adventure, or at least she sees that it has the potential to be one. Just riding somewhere in the truck with us, even though she’s done it a thousand times over the past five years that she’s been alive, still hasn’t lost that element of excitement for her. She absolutely wigs out until we’re out of the parking lot and headed down the street. Just because she’s moving. She has absolutely no idea where we’re going, or what we’re going to be doing, but that doesn’t seem to faze her even a little bit. We’re rolling down the road, and she gets to go with us today.

Most days when she does go with us, we’re going to several antique shops or flea markets, which means getting in and out of the truck four, five, or six times. And every single time we pull the truck to a stop, she hops up, excited to see whatever we’re going to see next. I think when I was a kid, I was the exact same way. Probably without the wiggly butt and spinning in circles, though. Probably. Where did that go? Why do we let the daily ins and outs of our lives rob us of the excitement of simply being alive today? Sure, people may look at us strangely when we run to the front door, excited to go out and meet the world, but maybe, just maybe, our excitement will rub off on them. Then we can laugh with them when they’re all ready to go for a ride in the truck with us, waiting excitedly by the front door until we’re ready to walk out into the world with them.

I think it could be time for me to start being a bit more intentional about how I view the world around me from day to day. I don’t think it would hurt one little bit for me to get excited about going for a ride in the truck. Even if it is just to head down the street to the Evil Empire to get that gallon of milk I forgot to pick up while I was at the store yesterday afternoon. There could, just possibly, be an adventure waiting for me out there. Maybe even in the form of someone needing a kind word, a smile, or a nod of acknowledgement that they are seen. Makes me want to go get milk right now, even though I’ve said for quite some time that I hate going to the Evil Empire. Could be I just need to change how I view things. Could be I just need to stop and be thankful and excited about taking that next breath, and remembering where that breath came from.

Who knew I could learn so much from a spastic little fuzzbucket I call Porsche? I have always known she was a smart little puppy. That’s why I make a point of telling her most every day that she’s my favoritest puppy on the whole planet. Sometimes, I even think she understands what I mean.

The Project--12/11/17

Dealing with the infallible can be an exercise in frustration. I’m sure we’ve all run into this at some point in our lives. The person who refuses to apologize for being insufferably incorrect, refuses to ever take responsibility for problems they single handedly create, and will do or say anything to make their mistakes or shortcomings anyone else’s fault, as long as they don’t have to admit they were wrong.

I don’t understand this mindset or approach to life or business. Everyone makes mistakes or misunderstands a conversation or situation occasionally, and, really, it’s not that big a deal. Ever. But, for some reason, there are individuals who fear being viewed as wrong more than they fear destroying relationships, businesses, or their own reputation. The thing is, eventually everyone sees through people like this, and they are left without meaningful relationships, their businesses will eventually falter, because of their unethical practices, and their personal reputations are left in a shambles, because they haven’t operated from any kind of moral framework whatsoever. But, hey, at least no one knew they weren’t infallible, right?

The book of Proverbs speaks extensively on both the subject of wisdom, and the folly of foolish people who refuse both wisdom and instruction. Fools are even compared to dogs who return to their own vomit, willingly eating the very thing that made them sick in the first place. Now, dogs aren’t that bright, and it shows when they return to their own vomit. According to Proverbs, unwise people seem to be on the same level of operation. People should be able to at least see the error of their ways, see what caused them pain in the past, and adjust accordingly to avoid the same pain in the future. Instead, they just return to their vomit. That doesn’t exactly paint the prettiest picture, does it? And it’s hard and frustrating to watch in real life, as well. Especially since people can’t actually be forced to see anything they adamantly refuse to see. Many times, it’s because they have to be right at any cost. Because they actually believe their authority derives from their self perceived infallibility.

It will never cease to amaze me what people will lie about. Usually, it’s about things that are completely inconsequential, or things that were truly accidental. Years ago, I worked at a glass distribution warehouse, and a few of the other employees were fairly impressed that I had gone so long without breaking any merchandise as I moved it around the warehouse or loaded and unloaded it from trucks for deliveries or returns from the various glass shops with whom we did business. One day, probably about a year after I started working there, I pretty much ran over a windshield with one of the forklifts. I had simply misjudged how far the windshield was protruding from its storage rack and tagged it with the front of the forklift I was driving. I mean, I completely crushed the corner of the thing. At the time, I was the only person who was even in the warehouse area. I went straight into the office and told my boss what I had done. He asked me for the part number of the piece of glass I’d broken, and when he looked it up, it just happened to be the most expensive single piece of glass we carried. I had already known that when I saw which windshield I had broken, but I didn’t realize at that time how much it actually cost. He was actually surprised I had come in to tell him what I had done. That, right there, is a sad commentary on how most people operate in their day to day lives. Many people would have simply gone on about their business, and when that broken windshield was discovered, they would have acted surprised about it, along with everyone who truly did not know what had happened. Could I have gotten in trouble for damaging product? Yes, and I truly thought I would. That didn’t stop me from doing what I saw as the right thing to do, though. And in my way of thinking, why would it? The right thing to do is still the right thing to do, even if it comes with less than stellar consequences. I had been fired from good jobs before this incident because I answered questions that my supervisor asked me completely honestly. Yet, into the office I went to willingly admit my mistake. Why? Because it was the right thing to do. You know what happened as a result of my honesty? My supervisor thanked me, and said there really wasn’t anything he could be upset about, because I had been there so long without breaking anything before. One of my other coworkers even joked about it, laughing as he said, “I guess you made up for all that time with this one windshield, though, didn’t you?” And then it was over. And I didn’t have to worry about someone finding out what had actually happened.

That’s why I don’t understand people who lie all the time. Lies are pretty much impossible to keep straight, because different versions have been told to different people. How in the world is the liar going to keep them all straight? Truth is, they don’t. And then they have the gall to get upset when they get called out, but they just keep right on lying about it. Talk about foolish behavior! At all costs, though, they’ll defend what they see as their infallible record of perfection, even when everyone around can clearly see that their version of things is completely indefensible. So, how are we supposed to deal with such people? That, my friends, is where things get difficult. We have to call truth truth. There’s just no other way to call it. This also means we have to call lies lies.

As hard as it may be, I think it’s far better to do the right thing, and view things in the right mindset, than to fear what consequences may come as a result. I’d much rather please the one who created me and gave me breath than to make the wrong decision because I fear what man can do to me. When you stop and think about it, even the worst that men can do to us is temporary and, ultimately, unimportant. Refusing to do the right thing out of fear can rob us of something with far greater implications. It robs us of being who we were originally created to be, and could keep us from fulfilling the purpose and destiny for which we were intended since before time began. Kinda seems like a no brainer if you can see it from that perspective. In the moment, it can be more difficult, though. Stupid, hard to navigate, fallen creation that we currently live in! Just remember, you were created for more than what you see. I’ll keep reminding myself of that, as well.

The Project--12/10/17

I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can show.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.
Just trust in me, then you can see
All of the ways that I made you to be.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can show.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.
Just trust in me, then you can see
All of the things that I trust you to be.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.

Paul wasn’t special. He was only obedient.
Paul wasn’t special, he just realized what he had been given, and who he was. No matter the circumstance he was in at the moment, he never lost sight of that. How else could he sit in the middle of a prison and sing praises to his God at midnight to the point that the entire prison could hear him? How else could he walk back into town to continue preaching what he had and what God had done for him after coming to, laying on the ground outside the city after being stoned, presumably to death by those who had been throwing the rocks? For nothing more than preaching the same gospel he then preached after they had tried to kill him.

I’m not special. I’m only called to be obedient. I just have to realize what I’ve been given, and who I am. No matter the circumstance I am in at the moment, the most important thing in my life is to focus on that, and ensure I don’t lose sight of it. Is that hard to do sometimes? Absolutely! But if I do lose sight of that, am I not basically telling myself, those around me, and God Himself, that what He’s placed inside me, and having Him with me isn’t enough? Thankfully, He understands who I am, and who He made me to be, and what He intentionally placed inside of me the day He fashioned me and planned me out. And He doesn’t get upset when I do forget. He simply speaks to me to remind me of what He knows, brushes me off, breathes new life into me, and leads me on.

The Project--12/04/17

I've not been feeling creative at all lately, and I'm trying to figure out what's going on with that. Problem is, it feels like the more I try to diagnose the problem, the harder it becomes to overcome it. I don't want to come out and say I'm depressed and that that's what the problem is, but I kinda think that might be it. When I don't feel like I have anything to say, I hate it that I don't have anything to say. Am I not supposed to have words? I mean, that's what I do now is write, right? So where has the writing gone off to?

When I try to think of where I want one of my stories to go next, I'm not even hearing crickets lately. It's just the deafening sound of mental silence. No ideas, no words, no new plot ideas, no new character voices, no dialogue, just...nothing. I don't think it's writer's block, because I don't even believe such a thing exists, so how could I possibly have it?! Right?

So, instead of just sitting in front of a blank screen that continues to be blank, I've been reading, doing crossword puzzles, watching documentaries, this, that, and the other, like it'll just come back to me at some point. Kinda like when you can't think of something, and then later in the day or the next day, when you're not even thinking about that particular subject, and what you were trying to think of just hits you out of the blue. It hasn't worked thus far, but who knows... And I'm trying not to worry about it, because I'm pretty sure that's not going to open the floodgates, but the longer I go without writing something creative, the more uncomfortable I've become about it. Maybe I'm supposed to be uncomfortable for a bit before the floodwaters start to rush down again. I don't really know.

I do know that for the past several days, it seems like I'm hearing over and over, "Live for today and in today, without worrying about what tomorrow will bring, because if you don't live this way, you'll miss out on all the glory that's happening right in front of you and all around you at this very moment." Or, at least something to that effect. So, in an effort to follow this, I'm living moment by moment. Maybe that's the whole point. That I don't have to fill every moment with some cognitive process. Am I being taught to slow down and enjoy what I have? I think that's exactly it. Figuring that out hasn't made it any easier in the process, though. Sometimes habits really stink, because they just keep coming back up without us even realizing it.

I guess sometimes doing what we're supposed to be doing doesn't feel anything like what we think we're supposed to be doing. I think there's a kind of beauty in that, as well. A reminder that we don't actually have it all figured out. And that we're not supposed to. Maybe that discomfort is a kind of reminder to follow instead of trying to steer all the time. A gentle reminder that all of us have a little bit of control freak living inside of us. If we're not careful, we'll let that part of us be what drives us, allowing the illusion of control to lure us away from what we were originally designed to be. Creations made to follow and commune with our Creator. Just a thought.