Sometimes I feel like I’m not going to make it. I know these thoughts don’t come from me, but how I fight them matters. I question my decisions and wonder if they’re going to take me where I want to go. When I don’t have ideas, or don’t feel inspired, I try harder to get in the right mindset. It’s like trying harder to sleep when you can’t sleep. The more you try, the more elusive your goal can become.
I’ve worked jobs for set pay my entire life, and now I’m putting down my ideas. Of course, most of them seem like they’re good, right up until I can’t decide what direction to take next. Lord, please speak to me and give me the words, because my well isn’t flowing today. Should I simply start typing without being critical about how it’s flowing at the time?
I wrote the above words awhile back (about six months ago), and they’re still true today. I don’t always know what I should be writing, but I feel like I need to be writing something. Sometimes, it feels like I just need to sit down, put fingers on keys, and see what comes out. Sometimes that works, and sometimes, all I get is disjointed gobbledy-gook. The short little prayer above asking God to speak to me and give me the words is how I’m going to write what follows. I have absolutely no idea where this is going to lead, but for some reason, my family likes what I write when I wing it off the cuff, so to speak. So maybe, just maybe, this is how I need to write when the subject is a serious one. Most of the poems I’ve written were written in one single gush of typing gusto, with only a word or two changed before I called them “finished”. Now, I’m going to try that on a larger scale. We’ll find out together where it takes us. So, stick around, because I have absolutely no idea what I’ll end up saying, but I think it’s going to be interesting. This is going to be like diary entries of thoughts that hit my head when I’m sitting down to write in this space, so here goes…
11/29/17
~~~~~
So, I’ve felt for a while now that I’m supposed to be writing, but the question has always been, “What, exactly should I be writing?” Poetry? A novel (or maybe three)? Short thoughts like I’ve been posting on my blog lately? A nonfiction book about things I’ve learned? As confusing as it’s been, the answer to all of these questions seems to be, “Yes.” So, I’ve felt a little scattered, because I feel like I have several projects in a state of constant flux, and nothing feels like it’s getting completed. Will it be completed at some point in the hopefully not too distant future? I certainly hope so. I guess I’ll see when I get there.
Since we move around, one of the ongoing struggles in my life has been finding somewhere to worship. What I’ve learned in the past three years is that not all churches are created equal. No, I’m not going to call any particular ones out here by name as being what I consider great or not so great. But, I have noticed that there seems to be an over prioritization and focus on behavior and striving to be better rather than the simple, two point answer that Jesus gave to the question, “What is the greatest commandment?” He didn’t say, “Follow all the rules and try harder to be better people.” Or, “I know life really sucks and it’s hard. Just hold on and try to be a better person, and one of these days, you’ll be in Heaven.” He simply said to, “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. On this hang all the Law and the prophets.”--Matthew 22:37-40.
So, what about drinking, smoking, gambling, playing cards, going to the movies, wearing jewelry, cutting our hair, how we dress, where we work, what political party we belong to, what kind of car we drive (gas or electric), etc, etc, etc.? He doesn’t even mention any of that stuff. Why? I’m pretty sure it’s because at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter all that much. But to hear a lot of people tell it, if they think they shouldn’t do something, than neither should anyone else, because it’s a sin. And I think that this is where things start to get a bit squirrely. Sin has been defined as a set of behaviors, instead of being defined as an attitude that separates us from God and His love and His desire for us to have everything He intended for us to have, and us being who He created us to be. So, if you’re struggling with a habit, attitude, or thought, just try harder, because that’s what God expects of you. If you’re not getting healed, you just don’t have enough faith. If you’re struggling financially, you must have something bad in your life that you haven’t properly dealt with. If you look different from how I look, or dress differently from how I dress, then you’re not welcome here.
I’ve seen it. Crap, I’ve even experienced it firsthand within the past few years. No wonder so many people outside the church think believers are a bunch of closed minded, hateful, judgemental, angry, hypocritical people with superiority complexes. There’s really no one to blame for this other than those who call themselves Christians, but don’t have the love of Christ in them. And there are a lot of them out there. They’re easiest to spot when they’re railing against homosexuals, blowing up abortion clinics, or recruiting for the Ku Klux Klan or Aryan Nation. Let me give everyone a hint here: NONE of these people are Christians. How can I tell? Because the single word “Christian” is defined as “a person who follows or adheres to Christianity, an Abrahamic, monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.” Yes, that’s the definition I found on Wikipedia, but it’s as accurate a definition as you’ll find anywhere. Remember earlier I quoted Matthew 22, where Jesus Himself said, “Love your neighbor as yourself”? He followed his own advice on this point, and I think one of the best examples of this in scripture is when he had such an open dialogue with the woman at the well. We’re never told her name, and all we know about her is that she had several broken relationships in her past, and that she was a Samaritan. Samaritans had what could be called a less than cordial relationship with Jews, and Jews of the day wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. Yet, Jesus doesn’t hesitate in having a conversation with this “unclean” woman, and this single conversation changed her entire life. This right here is what it means to love your neighbor as yourself, yet how many people don’t even want to go anywhere near a church because that one time they tried, they were treated as less worthy by those who were there every week?
I think a large portion of the modern church has missed it big time by trying to rule people’s lives, both inside and outside the church, by a set of rules, regulations, and behaviors that they deem to be acceptable or unacceptable. There was only one thing in the garden of Eden that was off limits, which was the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I don’t believe the fruit was magical, cursed, or particularly special, but it was off limits. The only reason it was off limits is because God wanted a pure, loving relationship with his children. The only way love can truly be love is when there’s an option to not choose it. By choosing to go against God by believing the lies that Satan told them, Adam and Eve both chose to cut off the source of life that they were created to depend on, and to make themselves and knowledge their source, instead. When churches focus on behaviors as “sinful” or “righteous”, they are simply operating from another branch of the forbidden tree. Knowledge of good is just as destructive as knowledge of evil, because knowledge is still the source. The only source that won’t kill us as humans is the tree of Life, which is our creator, and the only way back to it is through His son, Jesus. When we’ve truly made Him our Lord, He is our source of all things, but only if we actually trust Him to be that for us. If we succumb to the belief that we have to try harder to be better, we’ve gone right back to that other tree that will ultimately kill us, because we’ve unplugged, yet again, from the only source that can sustain our lives. When we’re plugged into Him, and completely dependant on Him for everything we need, the old desires, and “bad behaviors”, for lack of a better term, will fade into the past, because our desires for them will wither and die.
It’s not our job as believers to force others to agree with us, or to force them to behave the way that we think is “right”. Jesus was so powerful and effective because He showed people the love he had within Himself, and He always gave everyone the option of not listening to him and walking away without accepting the life He had to give. When we do the same, amazing doors will be opened, and miraculous results will be seen. I think it’s time to stop perpetuating the belief that Christians are closed minded, hateful, judgemental, angry, hypocritical people with superiority complexes. The only way to counter that is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and then to truly love your neighbor as yourself. No judgements, no disapproving looks, no telling them they need to get their hair cut, no telling them they have to wear a suit to come into the building, no telling them they have to stop smoking in the parking lot. Why? Because they’re actually there looking for answers to why their lives aren’t quite working out. They’re looking for something to cling to other than the top branches of that knowledge tree. They’re looking for the Source of Life. And they are exactly as important to the Creator as you are. They are exactly as loved by Him as you are. They are created in His image just like you are. So let them in the door, and cut it out with your superiority complex. Because it’s killing the very people YOU are called to rescue.
Thank you, Harlan, for telling me I need a platform. Here it is. For now.
No comments:
Post a Comment