The Project--1/26/18

I’ve been dealing a lot lately with disappointment and hatred, kinda without even realizing that’s what I was struggling with. For me, disappointment sneaks in and comes to visit when I fall into the trap of comparing where it appears I am with where I think I should be.

Instead of living for each day and being thankful for where I am and what I have, if I’m not intentional about my thought life, I can very easily fall into being disappointed in myself. I’m not even sure where that came from. I think we all have dreams for what we’ll someday become or what we would like to accomplish in life. If we’re not there yet, should we feel disappointment, though? Maybe it comes from looking too far ahead, and forgetting all the great things we’ve done in our past.

Simply living out life and doing what we know we’re supposed to do can yield fruit that we may never even realize. The other day after my wife got off the phone with one of our kids, she told me that he had said something neither of us had thought of. We got married when I was 24, and she already had 4 kids. Like any new parent, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, so I just did the best I could with what I knew, and I think I got a little better as time went on. I’ve always been very intentional in how I treat my wife, whether anyone else is around or not. I’ve also been responsible in showing up for work and doing what I’m being paid for while I’m there. I just found out that those two simple things have made a huge impact on one of my sons. He told my wife, “I ask myself all the time, “How would Aaron do this?” when I’m making a decision on what to do.”

That short little statement right there made me realize it’s the little things, and the way we live our day to day lives that make the biggest impact on the people around us. This stuff can’t be taught with head knowledge or telling someone how to do them. If we’re consistenetly true to who we were created to be in the everyday, mundane day to day lives we live, we will have an impact on those around us. We don’t have to browbeat people into coming over to our way of thinking. In fact, that’s probably the best way to prove to them we have no idea what we’re talking about. Especially if we’re believers. For far too long, the church has been perceived as an exclusive club of people with superiority complexes who would rather do anything other than give someone outside the club our time and attention.

I just realized last night and this morning, both through conversation with my infinitely patient wife, and crying my way through several worship songs this morning as our breakfast was cooking itself in the oven, that I’ve been focusing entirely too much on the not yet happening aspects of my life rather than the amazing blessings and ridiculously trauma free life I’ve lived over the past 40 plus years.

How am I going to give away the light I have inside me if I’m sitting here in the dark, brooding over something that was said or done yesterday, last week, last year, or whenever that seemed malicious or intentional? Where is my focus supposed to be? Should it be on the current political or social climate? Or should it be on the people I have right here around me that I can reach out and touch? People with whom I can just be who I was created to be, living out my mundane, day to day existence doing what I know is right, based on who and what I am in and through the one who created me.

I’ve finally grown sick of being focused on the wrong things. I now realize it’s been killing me over the past several weeks and even months, and it’s robbed me of the enjoyment I was intended to have on a daily basis. Not to say every day is going to be easy. That’s just crazy talk right there. But every day will certainly be easier when I remember to be more intentional about what it is I’m focusing on and spending my attention on.

It’s far too easy to fall into the trap of becoming stuck on that one thing, focusing on it instead of on the One who made us. That one thing could be something someone said to us. Remember that unforgiveness is drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer. That someone else probably doesn’t even realize they’ve slighted you. Even if they do, your refusing to forgive them really doesn’t affect them in the slightest. Except that it changes how you interact with them. If it changes how you interact with them, it could very possible change your witness before them, and they’ll see darkness in you instead of the light and life that is the very purpose for our being on this planet right here and right now.

Or maybe that one thing is the dream you’ve had within yourself for so long that at this very moment still hasn’t been realized. Ok, so you haven’t made it there yet, but are you still breathing? Don’t give up and stop doing the very things that will propel you in the direction of that dream just because it’s taken longer than you originally thought it would take. Were you given a specific time table, succinctly spelled out by God Himself, telling you when you would have that dream come true? If not, who are you to say that it’s taking too long, or moving too slowly? Maybe you’re expecting something different out of that dream than what it was originally intended to accomplish in your life. If you were told to write, were you told that millions would be reading what you were writing? If not, why are you questioning the point of your writing? You weren’t told, “Go and be read.”, were you? Writing isn’t being read. Writing is writing.

If you were told to pray for someone, would you stop praying for them simply because you weren’t personally seeing the results of that prayer? Who are you to put a timetable on what God has asked you to do? If He asked you to do something, and you’re not currently doing it, why not?

Trust me, I’m talking as much to myself as I am to the person reading this. I don’t have anything figured out here. Except that by not following through on what God has asked me to do, no matter what it is, or how long ago He told me to do it, I’m robbing both myself, and whoever it is that He had in mind when He asked me to do that thing.

So, here I am finally doing what I was told to do. Writing words that may or may not be read by someone else. Because, as my wise wife told me last night, I’m supposed to write, no matter if anyone reads it or not.

The Project--12/13/17

Deborah and I have a little Chihuahua named Porsche. She’s our little travelling furball, and she’s pretty much internet famous. Of course, being a dog, she has absolutely no idea what either the internet or famous mean, she just keeps right on being a dog, just like she always has. We take her pretty much everywhere with us, and she even has a little pink stroller that was made specifically for spoiled little princess dogs like her.

Everywhere we go, people talk to her and want to pet her. Invariably, they’re surprised that she’s a Chihuahua, since she is without any of the negative traits people usually associate with Chihuahuas. She isn’t yappy or nervous, and she doesn’t shake all the time. We chalk that up to our accomplishment as great puppy parents. We were very intentional with her from the time we brought her home. We took her everywhere with us then, just like we still do today, so she’s an extremely well socialized little puppy.

I just noticed something about her this morning as I let her out of her little pet taxi for her usual out the door, gotta go right now excursion. She doesn’t ever do anything halfway. She is always excited about everything. Time to go outside? She runs to the door full force and hops around as she waits for me to put her harness and leash on her. When it’s cold and she sees me getting her sweater out of the drawer that she knows contains only her stuff, she spins in circles and hops around until I pick her up to dress her. When she sees us putting on our shoes to go somewhere, she hops around, ensuring she gets our attention so she can ask, “Can I go today, too?” And when we’re going somewhere she can’t go, and we tell her no, I could swear I can see a little bit of sad disappointment in her little eyes. When I open the front door of the RV, even if I’ve only gone out to the truck to get something right quick, she meets me right there at the door, doing her little wiggle butt, waggy tail, hop around and almost fall out of the RV dance because she’s so excited to see me again. Why? Because she’s a dog, and she doesn’t do anything halfway.

When she ran full tilt to the door this morning, I noticed that she has something that a lot of us as people have lost somewhere along the way. She’s simply happy to be alive. Going outside to do her business is always an adventure, or at least she sees that it has the potential to be one. Just riding somewhere in the truck with us, even though she’s done it a thousand times over the past five years that she’s been alive, still hasn’t lost that element of excitement for her. She absolutely wigs out until we’re out of the parking lot and headed down the street. Just because she’s moving. She has absolutely no idea where we’re going, or what we’re going to be doing, but that doesn’t seem to faze her even a little bit. We’re rolling down the road, and she gets to go with us today.

Most days when she does go with us, we’re going to several antique shops or flea markets, which means getting in and out of the truck four, five, or six times. And every single time we pull the truck to a stop, she hops up, excited to see whatever we’re going to see next. I think when I was a kid, I was the exact same way. Probably without the wiggly butt and spinning in circles, though. Probably. Where did that go? Why do we let the daily ins and outs of our lives rob us of the excitement of simply being alive today? Sure, people may look at us strangely when we run to the front door, excited to go out and meet the world, but maybe, just maybe, our excitement will rub off on them. Then we can laugh with them when they’re all ready to go for a ride in the truck with us, waiting excitedly by the front door until we’re ready to walk out into the world with them.

I think it could be time for me to start being a bit more intentional about how I view the world around me from day to day. I don’t think it would hurt one little bit for me to get excited about going for a ride in the truck. Even if it is just to head down the street to the Evil Empire to get that gallon of milk I forgot to pick up while I was at the store yesterday afternoon. There could, just possibly, be an adventure waiting for me out there. Maybe even in the form of someone needing a kind word, a smile, or a nod of acknowledgement that they are seen. Makes me want to go get milk right now, even though I’ve said for quite some time that I hate going to the Evil Empire. Could be I just need to change how I view things. Could be I just need to stop and be thankful and excited about taking that next breath, and remembering where that breath came from.

Who knew I could learn so much from a spastic little fuzzbucket I call Porsche? I have always known she was a smart little puppy. That’s why I make a point of telling her most every day that she’s my favoritest puppy on the whole planet. Sometimes, I even think she understands what I mean.

The Project--12/11/17

Dealing with the infallible can be an exercise in frustration. I’m sure we’ve all run into this at some point in our lives. The person who refuses to apologize for being insufferably incorrect, refuses to ever take responsibility for problems they single handedly create, and will do or say anything to make their mistakes or shortcomings anyone else’s fault, as long as they don’t have to admit they were wrong.

I don’t understand this mindset or approach to life or business. Everyone makes mistakes or misunderstands a conversation or situation occasionally, and, really, it’s not that big a deal. Ever. But, for some reason, there are individuals who fear being viewed as wrong more than they fear destroying relationships, businesses, or their own reputation. The thing is, eventually everyone sees through people like this, and they are left without meaningful relationships, their businesses will eventually falter, because of their unethical practices, and their personal reputations are left in a shambles, because they haven’t operated from any kind of moral framework whatsoever. But, hey, at least no one knew they weren’t infallible, right?

The book of Proverbs speaks extensively on both the subject of wisdom, and the folly of foolish people who refuse both wisdom and instruction. Fools are even compared to dogs who return to their own vomit, willingly eating the very thing that made them sick in the first place. Now, dogs aren’t that bright, and it shows when they return to their own vomit. According to Proverbs, unwise people seem to be on the same level of operation. People should be able to at least see the error of their ways, see what caused them pain in the past, and adjust accordingly to avoid the same pain in the future. Instead, they just return to their vomit. That doesn’t exactly paint the prettiest picture, does it? And it’s hard and frustrating to watch in real life, as well. Especially since people can’t actually be forced to see anything they adamantly refuse to see. Many times, it’s because they have to be right at any cost. Because they actually believe their authority derives from their self perceived infallibility.

It will never cease to amaze me what people will lie about. Usually, it’s about things that are completely inconsequential, or things that were truly accidental. Years ago, I worked at a glass distribution warehouse, and a few of the other employees were fairly impressed that I had gone so long without breaking any merchandise as I moved it around the warehouse or loaded and unloaded it from trucks for deliveries or returns from the various glass shops with whom we did business. One day, probably about a year after I started working there, I pretty much ran over a windshield with one of the forklifts. I had simply misjudged how far the windshield was protruding from its storage rack and tagged it with the front of the forklift I was driving. I mean, I completely crushed the corner of the thing. At the time, I was the only person who was even in the warehouse area. I went straight into the office and told my boss what I had done. He asked me for the part number of the piece of glass I’d broken, and when he looked it up, it just happened to be the most expensive single piece of glass we carried. I had already known that when I saw which windshield I had broken, but I didn’t realize at that time how much it actually cost. He was actually surprised I had come in to tell him what I had done. That, right there, is a sad commentary on how most people operate in their day to day lives. Many people would have simply gone on about their business, and when that broken windshield was discovered, they would have acted surprised about it, along with everyone who truly did not know what had happened. Could I have gotten in trouble for damaging product? Yes, and I truly thought I would. That didn’t stop me from doing what I saw as the right thing to do, though. And in my way of thinking, why would it? The right thing to do is still the right thing to do, even if it comes with less than stellar consequences. I had been fired from good jobs before this incident because I answered questions that my supervisor asked me completely honestly. Yet, into the office I went to willingly admit my mistake. Why? Because it was the right thing to do. You know what happened as a result of my honesty? My supervisor thanked me, and said there really wasn’t anything he could be upset about, because I had been there so long without breaking anything before. One of my other coworkers even joked about it, laughing as he said, “I guess you made up for all that time with this one windshield, though, didn’t you?” And then it was over. And I didn’t have to worry about someone finding out what had actually happened.

That’s why I don’t understand people who lie all the time. Lies are pretty much impossible to keep straight, because different versions have been told to different people. How in the world is the liar going to keep them all straight? Truth is, they don’t. And then they have the gall to get upset when they get called out, but they just keep right on lying about it. Talk about foolish behavior! At all costs, though, they’ll defend what they see as their infallible record of perfection, even when everyone around can clearly see that their version of things is completely indefensible. So, how are we supposed to deal with such people? That, my friends, is where things get difficult. We have to call truth truth. There’s just no other way to call it. This also means we have to call lies lies.

As hard as it may be, I think it’s far better to do the right thing, and view things in the right mindset, than to fear what consequences may come as a result. I’d much rather please the one who created me and gave me breath than to make the wrong decision because I fear what man can do to me. When you stop and think about it, even the worst that men can do to us is temporary and, ultimately, unimportant. Refusing to do the right thing out of fear can rob us of something with far greater implications. It robs us of being who we were originally created to be, and could keep us from fulfilling the purpose and destiny for which we were intended since before time began. Kinda seems like a no brainer if you can see it from that perspective. In the moment, it can be more difficult, though. Stupid, hard to navigate, fallen creation that we currently live in! Just remember, you were created for more than what you see. I’ll keep reminding myself of that, as well.

The Project--12/10/17

I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can show.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.
Just trust in me, then you can see
All of the ways that I made you to be.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can show.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.
Just trust in me, then you can see
All of the things that I trust you to be.
I’ve got a way of showing you things that no one around you can know.

Paul wasn’t special. He was only obedient.
Paul wasn’t special, he just realized what he had been given, and who he was. No matter the circumstance he was in at the moment, he never lost sight of that. How else could he sit in the middle of a prison and sing praises to his God at midnight to the point that the entire prison could hear him? How else could he walk back into town to continue preaching what he had and what God had done for him after coming to, laying on the ground outside the city after being stoned, presumably to death by those who had been throwing the rocks? For nothing more than preaching the same gospel he then preached after they had tried to kill him.

I’m not special. I’m only called to be obedient. I just have to realize what I’ve been given, and who I am. No matter the circumstance I am in at the moment, the most important thing in my life is to focus on that, and ensure I don’t lose sight of it. Is that hard to do sometimes? Absolutely! But if I do lose sight of that, am I not basically telling myself, those around me, and God Himself, that what He’s placed inside me, and having Him with me isn’t enough? Thankfully, He understands who I am, and who He made me to be, and what He intentionally placed inside of me the day He fashioned me and planned me out. And He doesn’t get upset when I do forget. He simply speaks to me to remind me of what He knows, brushes me off, breathes new life into me, and leads me on.

The Project--12/04/17

I've not been feeling creative at all lately, and I'm trying to figure out what's going on with that. Problem is, it feels like the more I try to diagnose the problem, the harder it becomes to overcome it. I don't want to come out and say I'm depressed and that that's what the problem is, but I kinda think that might be it. When I don't feel like I have anything to say, I hate it that I don't have anything to say. Am I not supposed to have words? I mean, that's what I do now is write, right? So where has the writing gone off to?

When I try to think of where I want one of my stories to go next, I'm not even hearing crickets lately. It's just the deafening sound of mental silence. No ideas, no words, no new plot ideas, no new character voices, no dialogue, just...nothing. I don't think it's writer's block, because I don't even believe such a thing exists, so how could I possibly have it?! Right?

So, instead of just sitting in front of a blank screen that continues to be blank, I've been reading, doing crossword puzzles, watching documentaries, this, that, and the other, like it'll just come back to me at some point. Kinda like when you can't think of something, and then later in the day or the next day, when you're not even thinking about that particular subject, and what you were trying to think of just hits you out of the blue. It hasn't worked thus far, but who knows... And I'm trying not to worry about it, because I'm pretty sure that's not going to open the floodgates, but the longer I go without writing something creative, the more uncomfortable I've become about it. Maybe I'm supposed to be uncomfortable for a bit before the floodwaters start to rush down again. I don't really know.

I do know that for the past several days, it seems like I'm hearing over and over, "Live for today and in today, without worrying about what tomorrow will bring, because if you don't live this way, you'll miss out on all the glory that's happening right in front of you and all around you at this very moment." Or, at least something to that effect. So, in an effort to follow this, I'm living moment by moment. Maybe that's the whole point. That I don't have to fill every moment with some cognitive process. Am I being taught to slow down and enjoy what I have? I think that's exactly it. Figuring that out hasn't made it any easier in the process, though. Sometimes habits really stink, because they just keep coming back up without us even realizing it.

I guess sometimes doing what we're supposed to be doing doesn't feel anything like what we think we're supposed to be doing. I think there's a kind of beauty in that, as well. A reminder that we don't actually have it all figured out. And that we're not supposed to. Maybe that discomfort is a kind of reminder to follow instead of trying to steer all the time. A gentle reminder that all of us have a little bit of control freak living inside of us. If we're not careful, we'll let that part of us be what drives us, allowing the illusion of control to lure us away from what we were originally designed to be. Creations made to follow and commune with our Creator. Just a thought.

The Project--11/29/17

Sometimes I feel like I’m not going to make it. I know these thoughts don’t come from me, but how I fight them matters. I question my decisions and wonder if they’re going to take me where I want to go. When I don’t have ideas, or don’t feel inspired, I try harder to get in the right mindset. It’s like trying harder to sleep when you can’t sleep. The more you try, the more elusive your goal can become.

I’ve worked jobs for set pay my entire life, and now I’m putting down my ideas. Of course, most of them seem like they’re good, right up until I can’t decide what direction to take next. Lord, please speak to me and give me the words, because my well isn’t flowing today. Should I simply start typing without being critical about how it’s flowing at the time?

I wrote the above words awhile back (about six months ago), and they’re still true today. I don’t always know what I should be writing, but I feel like I need to be writing something. Sometimes, it feels like I just need to sit down, put fingers on keys, and see what comes out. Sometimes that works, and sometimes, all I get is disjointed gobbledy-gook. The short little prayer above asking God to speak to me and give me the words is how I’m going to write what follows. I have absolutely no idea where this is going to lead, but for some reason, my family likes what I write when I wing it off the cuff, so to speak. So maybe, just maybe, this is how I need to write when the subject is a serious one. Most of the poems I’ve written were written in one single gush of typing gusto, with only a word or two changed before I called them “finished”. Now, I’m going to try that on a larger scale. We’ll find out together where it takes us. So, stick around, because I have absolutely no idea what I’ll end up saying, but I think it’s going to be interesting. This is going to be like diary entries of thoughts that hit my head when I’m sitting down to write in this space, so here goes…

11/29/17

~~~~~

So, I’ve felt for a while now that I’m supposed to be writing, but the question has always been, “What, exactly should I be writing?” Poetry? A novel (or maybe three)? Short thoughts like I’ve been posting on my blog lately? A nonfiction book about things I’ve learned? As confusing as it’s been, the answer to all of these questions seems to be, “Yes.” So, I’ve felt a little scattered, because I feel like I have several projects in a state of constant flux, and nothing feels like it’s getting completed. Will it be completed at some point in the hopefully not too distant future? I certainly hope so. I guess I’ll see when I get there.

Since we move around, one of the ongoing struggles in my life has been finding somewhere to worship. What I’ve learned in the past three years is that not all churches are created equal. No, I’m not going to call any particular ones out here by name as being what I consider great or not so great. But, I have noticed that there seems to be an over prioritization and focus on behavior and striving to be better rather than the simple, two point answer that Jesus gave to the question, “What is the greatest commandment?” He didn’t say, “Follow all the rules and try harder to be better people.” Or, “I know life really sucks and it’s hard. Just hold on and try to be a better person, and one of these days, you’ll be in Heaven.” He simply said to, “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. On this hang all the Law and the prophets.”--Matthew 22:37-40.

So, what about drinking, smoking, gambling, playing cards, going to the movies, wearing jewelry, cutting our hair, how we dress, where we work, what political party we belong to, what kind of car we drive (gas or electric), etc, etc, etc.? He doesn’t even mention any of that stuff. Why? I’m pretty sure it’s because at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter all that much. But to hear a lot of people tell it, if they think they shouldn’t do something, than neither should anyone else, because it’s a sin. And I think that this is where things start to get a bit squirrely. Sin has been defined as a set of behaviors, instead of being defined as an attitude that separates us from God and His love and His desire for us to have everything He intended for us to have, and us being who He created us to be. So, if you’re struggling with a habit, attitude, or thought, just try harder, because that’s what God expects of you. If you’re not getting healed, you just don’t have enough faith. If you’re struggling financially, you must have something bad in your life that you haven’t properly dealt with. If you look different from how I look, or dress differently from how I dress, then you’re not welcome here.

I’ve seen it. Crap, I’ve even experienced it firsthand within the past few years. No wonder so many people outside the church think believers are a bunch of closed minded, hateful, judgemental, angry, hypocritical people with superiority complexes. There’s really no one to blame for this other than those who call themselves Christians, but don’t have the love of Christ in them. And there are a lot of them out there. They’re easiest to spot when they’re railing against homosexuals, blowing up abortion clinics, or recruiting for the Ku Klux Klan or Aryan Nation. Let me give everyone a hint here: NONE of these people are Christians. How can I tell? Because the single word “Christian” is defined as “a person who follows or adheres to Christianity, an Abrahamic, monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.” Yes, that’s the definition I found on Wikipedia, but it’s as accurate a definition as you’ll find anywhere. Remember earlier I quoted Matthew 22, where Jesus Himself said, “Love your neighbor as yourself”? He followed his own advice on this point, and I think one of the best examples of this in scripture is when he had such an open dialogue with the woman at the well. We’re never told her name, and all we know about her is that she had several broken relationships in her past, and that she was a Samaritan. Samaritans had what could be called a less than cordial relationship with Jews, and Jews of the day wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. Yet, Jesus doesn’t hesitate in having a conversation with this “unclean” woman, and this single conversation changed her entire life. This right here is what it means to love your neighbor as yourself, yet how many people don’t even want to go anywhere near a church because that one time they tried, they were treated as less worthy by those who were there every week?

I think a large portion of the modern church has missed it big time by trying to rule people’s lives, both inside and outside the church, by a set of rules, regulations, and behaviors that they deem to be acceptable or unacceptable. There was only one thing in the garden of Eden that was off limits, which was the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I don’t believe the fruit was magical, cursed, or particularly special, but it was off limits. The only reason it was off limits is because God wanted a pure, loving relationship with his children. The only way love can truly be love is when there’s an option to not choose it. By choosing to go against God by believing the lies that Satan told them, Adam and Eve both chose to cut off the source of life that they were created to depend on, and to make themselves and knowledge their source, instead. When churches focus on behaviors as “sinful” or “righteous”, they are simply operating from another branch of the forbidden tree. Knowledge of good is just as destructive as knowledge of evil, because knowledge is still the source. The only source that won’t kill us as humans is the tree of Life, which is our creator, and the only way back to it is through His son, Jesus. When we’ve truly made Him our Lord, He is our source of all things, but only if we actually trust Him to be that for us. If we succumb to the belief that we have to try harder to be better, we’ve gone right back to that other tree that will ultimately kill us, because we’ve unplugged, yet again, from the only source that can sustain our lives. When we’re plugged into Him, and completely dependant on Him for everything we need, the old desires, and “bad behaviors”, for lack of a better term, will fade into the past, because our desires for them will wither and die.

It’s not our job as believers to force others to agree with us, or to force them to behave the way that we think is “right”. Jesus was so powerful and effective because He showed people the love he had within Himself, and He always gave everyone the option of not listening to him and walking away without accepting the life He had to give. When we do the same, amazing doors will be opened, and miraculous results will be seen. I think it’s time to stop perpetuating the belief that Christians are closed minded, hateful, judgemental, angry, hypocritical people with superiority complexes. The only way to counter that is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and then to truly love your neighbor as yourself. No judgements, no disapproving looks, no telling them they need to get their hair cut, no telling them they have to wear a suit to come into the building, no telling them they have to stop smoking in the parking lot. Why? Because they’re actually there looking for answers to why their lives aren’t quite working out. They’re looking for something to cling to other than the top branches of that knowledge tree. They’re looking for the Source of Life. And they are exactly as important to the Creator as you are. They are exactly as loved by Him as you are. They are created in His image just like you are. So let them in the door, and cut it out with your superiority complex. Because it’s killing the very people YOU are called to rescue.

Thank you, Harlan, for telling me I need a platform. Here it is. For now.

Progress?

I remember when I was a kid, we knew all of our neighbors. We may not have been on a first name basis with all of them, but we knew who they were. The lack of first name basis may have been due to the fact that my parents taught me respect for my elders, and we didn’t call adults by their first names. Ever. It just wasn’t something that was done. The only adults I remember addressing by their first name were family, and even then, their name was preceded by either “Aunt” or “Uncle”. If I remember correctly, we didn’t even refer to the pastors at the church I grew up in by their first names. It was always “Pastor (insert last name here)”.

I don’t think all of this was due to the fact that I grew up in a relatively small town, either. I truly believe it was due to the fact that I had parents who actually parented. We were always held accountable for our actions, and the attitudes behind those actions. I grew up knowing, without any degree of ambiguity, that there were consequences for how I behaved. Seems like the word consequences is a curse word in today’s society. It’s really a neutral word that should not connote either positive or negative feelings. Consequences are merely the effects of a given action. If I were to hit myself in the ankle with a baseball bat that I’ve swung as hard as I can, the consequence would be that I will have pain, possibly for several weeks or months to come. If I fulfilled the responsibilities that I had, I had the consequence that there was a lack of strife or pain in my immediate future. Don’t take that last sentence the wrong way, though. It doesn’t mean that I grew up in constant fear of punishment or pain. I simply understood that when I carried the things that I was expected to carry, blessings would come instead of curses. I’d be praised for my accomplishments rather than having the privileges that I enjoyed removed.

I guess you could say I grew up understanding what free will actually is. I always had a choice in how I behaved, and if I did something other than what I truly understood to be appropriate, I had the expectation that some form of unpleasantness would follow. It may not follow immediately on every occasion, but at some point, it was likely to come. The older I get, the more convinced I am that less and less of society at large is learning what consequences are, and it shows. In fact, its appearances are ever increasing. How else can you explain the spreading belief that words can actually be construed as physical violence? Or that adults (yes, college students fit every criteria to fulfill the definition of adults) have to be rescued from prison in China because they shoplifted while they were visiting there? Just because you were never taught personal responsibility doesn’t negate the fact that there are consequences for your actions. Personally, I think every single one of those thieving basketball players should have been left there to deal with those consequences on their own. We’ll see if being bailed out by the U.S. government does anything to change the path their past life decisions have put them on. So far, it doesn’t look promising.

I say all the time (and my wife will bear witness to this), that “the downfall of society is the complete and total lack of personal responsibility.” I’ll stand by that statement until the day I die, no matter how many decades distant that date may be. If people were actually responsible for themselves, that would mean that no other entity on the planet would be responsible for them. They would actually own their own stuff, and would carry it without expecting anyone else to do so. If they are carrying their own stuff, it means I don’t have to. It also means that since I’m carrying all of my own stuff, you don’t have to do it for me.

What that does not mean is that we don’t all need help from one another from time to time. Everyone gets punched in the teeth by life, and it hurts every single time it happens. However, many times that people get punched in the teeth by life, it’s at least partially, and many times mostly self-inflicted. And, yes, I include myself in that statement. While some things happen that are unavoidable, there are many that are completely avoidable simply by being responsible and conducting ourselves wisely. It seems that a large portion of  “adults” have disengaged their logic, reason, and critical thinking, many of them permanently. It’s as if they truly couldn’t fathom that their actions would have those consequences. I mean, who knew that vandalizing public property would result in arrest, criminal charges, and monetary penalties?? Especially when it’s recorded and posted to social media like a badge of honor or bravery for standing up to the man in supposed protest to personal oppression. When in all honesty, it appears that they just wanted to break something that didn’t belong to them because it was what everyone else was doing, and they don’t have any impulse control. Yep, it all comes back to personal responsibility or the lack thereof.

Thinking about all of this reminds me of something I heard growing up, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Seems a lot of people never heard that, or have chosen to forget it. “But,” they’ll say, “the government gives free stuff to people all the time, and I want what’s coming to me.” Someone has to foot the bill for everything. For some reason, that’s a difficult concept for many people to grasp. Maybe because they’ve been told for so long by so many faulty sources of so-called “knowledge” that socialism is awesome. Besides, it’s easier getting paid for doing nothing than it is actually earning a living, isn’t it? I would say it probably is, but the price you’ll pay in dignity, self respect, and lack of purpose far outweigh any monetary gains you think you’ve made. Every. Single. Time.

We’re right in the middle of the holiday season, which seems more and more to bring out the worst in people. Just look on YouTube at the insanity that erupts at malls all over the country on Black Friday. There’s an old song that declares, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” If we forget to be thankful for the amazing privilege we’ve been given simply by breathing, being able to walk around, and having a roof over our heads to keep us dry and warm, and are willing to get into fistfights with strangers over that newfangled gadget we’ve just got to have because everyone else has one, and getting it will make me one of the cool kids, this most definitely will NOT be the most wonderful time of the year.

Have we progressed as we’ve moved as a society from the “old fashioned” ways of our grandparents, and maybe even our parents? I’m only 42 years old, and the way I grew up could probably be considered old fashioned by the standards of today. To me, it seems that the more we progress, the uglier things seem to be. If we’re giving up kindness for progress, what results will that trade bring us in the future? None of them look very attractive to me, since we’re growing more and more disconnected from the people who live right next door to us. If you’re reading this and think you’re not being carried by the wave of disconnection that’s been taking place, stop and think for just a minute. Can you come up with a list of ten of your neighbor’s first names? By neighbors, I’m just referring to people who live on your block or in your apartment complex. I’ll admit, I can’t. I should probably do something to change that…

If we’d take more time to sit and talk with the people who live in close proximity to us over a cup of coffee every once in awhile, I’m thinking we’d all realize that no matter what they look like, what they do for a living, or how they view the world that we’re all sharing, we have far more things in common with them than we could imagine. And I’m pretty sure that realization would make us all just a little kinder to one another. Maybe that truly would make the next few weeks the most wonderful time of the year. Now, that would be progress.